three poem day

November 14,2022

/ HJ / Leave a comment

how do you
become at peace
with the fact
that you will never be doing enough?

i don’t know
but i think
that’s how to approach
anti-racism
anti-white-supremacy
anti-any-hate
in a sustainable way

(because otherwise
the sides of the coin
are performative
or overwhelmed catatonia
and neither
actually provide
results
or action)

~~~

there really is a comfort
to having a canine
use your leg
as a pillow
to prop up
their heavy heavy chin

~~~

when i pet my pets
the studies run through my head
of how this act helps the serotonin levels
in humans’ (and dogs’) brains

but i know my serotonin
or the transmitters that run it along
aren’t working at their full strength
so i often think to myself
“ok, here we go, serotonin, you can do it!!!”
just to help it
a bit

sometimes we need
store-bought chemicals
and sometimes we need
our own cheering squad
and sometimes we need
both
and that shouldn’t be looked down upon

November 13, 2022

/ HJ / Leave a comment

late night writing
(not that late)
(is it even night?)
(damn daylight savings)
(at least i am writing)

~~~

what if
i let myself
really
trust
in the universe
and let
the rest
go?

~~~

there is an adage
in auditioning
in acting in general
to ‘find the love’

in any scene
if it seems
about money
or revenge
or procedure
or humor
or anything
or nothing
something
to make it
more interesting
more alive
find
the love

in life
in living
in the universe

find
the love

November 6, 2022

/ HJ / Leave a comment

wake up
feel like crap
maybe write
maybe break your fast
with coffee or tea or bagels or nutella toast
go back to sleep

the subtle rise and fall of the last few days
with the in-between of my focus remained
upon a time when i can once again
feel like a fully fleshed-out human being

i feel:
lost
sick
tired
too awake
antsy
like the whole damn struggle bus
bored
hungry
embarrassed
like life is passing me by

such are the times/experiences/words
when the plague
finally hits you and your spouse
and neither of you are very good
or patient
patients

~~~

this isn’t to say
we’ve got it all that bad
from what we’ve seen of the outside world
of the overcrowded hospitals
and makeshift morgues
i’d say we’re this side of great
but that doesn’t negate
our experiences
our feeling of loss and lost
and struggle to be ourselves again
and when
my stress relief is reliant on physical ability
the exhaustion takes over
and i’m just
‘blah’

i suppose i’m trying to encapsulate
a moment
in time
without stepping over
others’
experiences
with so
so
so much worse

~~~

and
today
feels like spring-summer
and i know
i probably
won’t feel up
to feeling it
in all its
glory

[another form of loss]

October 28, 2022

/ HJ / 1 Comment

a break
a gap
for multiple days
but
i’m not worried
in the way
i have been
because i know
i’m here
and i have things to say
no matter
what

~~~

re-writing history
is the way i deal with
days i couldn’t deal with
the morning pages
or mid-afternoon meditation
or evening ponderings…

simply take the time machine
of your blogging schedule
and post
in the past

(it’s surprisingly
easy)

~~~

(any more to say?)
[anything else to think?]
{or is writing
still coming back
into focus
after a few
days?}

October 17, 2022

/ HJ / Leave a comment

not feeling
anything
(writing
listing
poetry-ing)

was i this
lost
this time
last
year?

~~~

trying
to writing
with songs with words

we’ll see how this goes

~~~

was music all i needed
for me to feel like
this is a real morning???

October 3, 2022

/ HJ / Leave a comment

oh yeah!
i wrote
last night

creatively
script-ily
a whole scene

i can do it
i can write
(other than poetry)

but i sure can
still write
a whole bunch
of
poems

~~~

there are things
to do
today

and i’m actually
excited
to do them?

~~~

sad
puppy dog eyes
gazing up at me
as if i could protect her
from everything

i will try, Computer,
i will try

September 21, 2022

/ HJ / Leave a comment

is there any use
in continuing
little habits
on a day
when it feels like
everything is out of control
(but somehow you made it this way?)

~~~

big feels
little poems
tiny words

you got it

~~~

the leaves
are changing
on the tree outside–
each green
bordered with a red
literally
glowing
in the morning sun
waving to me
in a gentle breeze
and letting me know
this autumn
will be
safe

~~~

breaking up big topics
into bite-sized pieces

the poetry way

~~~

the problem
(one of them)
with having such a vast array
of works
is that i don’t know
which one
two
or three
to send in
to potentially be
published

(especially these little bois—
where
and how
do they
belong?)

~~~

self
publishing?

(it is an option)

September 19, 2022

/ HJ / Leave a comment

sleeping better
with only one dog
but damn do i miss
all those cuddles

~~~

let’s
get back
into the habit
we’ve established
all these days

k?

~~~

is it nerves
is it too much food
(is it too little?)
(or is there something
actually wrong
wth me?)

the questions
of a saga
of a never-ending
stomach ache

September 10, 2022

/ HJ / Leave a comment

will i ever write
anything as honest
in the daylight hours
as i do near midnight
just before
sleep
takes me?

~~~

meditate
on the self
to escape from
the pressures
of the other

(but don’t blame the people–
they’re just trying to survive
just like you–
but how do we escape the systems
that are built
to trap,
hinder,
distance,
and depress
?)

~~~

how well do you know yourself
and your patterns
of self-sabotage?

~~~

these poems are starting to sound
a little angsty
but i swear i’m not in
a teen mood™ —
i’m just trying to find my footing
for a morning
after a morning
away

~~~

i have enough poetry
to always have something new
to slight-of-hand any reader
into thinking
i never miss a day
of writing

but i’m too honest for that jazz
so here i am
keeping my streak
but also writing poems
about skipping days
and i don’t know what that says
about me

(and if i should be thinking about that
anyways)

~~~

interesting
watching oneself
write poetry–
a line i thought
would negate/lessen
the last line
makes it feel
so much fuller
than before

i suppose that’s why i’m out here
writing poetry
every day
for 500+ days
as opposed to
studying
and analyzing
and obsessing
and perfecting
a thing
that comes
from the heart

[perhaps i should take that into account
in other aspects
of my life…]

September 4, 2022

/ HJ / Leave a comment

Hey Void,

How are you?
I’m sorry i’ve assumed
i’d need to scream into/at you
in order to make my way
on the internet/
to stake my claim/
to have some sort of opinion/writing/something
out there…

But if i could get to know you
maybe i wouldn’t feel so self-conscious
about the futility
of all this writing,

maybe my poems
could all be love letters
to The Void.

That is,
if you’ll have me
if you’ll accept my love
(because i wouldn’t want to
do anything
without consent)

Love(?),
HJ

~~~

My Dearest Void,

Working under the assumption
that you’ll accept my letters
(you needn’t accept my love,
not yet),
i’d like to let you know
that being a human
is pretty hard sometimes.
How is it being
The Void?
Do people get upset at you,
like i once did?
Or are people learning
to trust in you,
to speak gently,
to respect you
and your ways
fully?

Hope to hear back from you
soon,
HJ

~~~

Hi Again, Void

Just wanted to say hello.
That’s all.
Nothing expected.
Nothing to be returned/reciprocated.
Just a hello/
a greeting
to you,
My/The
Void

~HJ