vibing with the music
hoping to have something to speak of
something of which to write
to spite
the depression coming quite
quite
quite
quickly
therapy through writing
October 11, 2023
writing poetry
to local news
and fake laughter
and small chit chatter
writing poetry
as the world falls apart
and explodes
and explodes
and explodes
half a globe away
writing poetry as my life
has fallen to inverse-seeing
and yet i still feel stable
and yet i still feel
nearly able
to be happy
writing poetry
far away from home
but back in a home
i once knew better
than i’ll ever
know myself
writing poetry
that’s my through line
that’s my safety net
that’s my commonality
and only a few of my people
know it
read it
know me
from it
but that’s ok
since i’m writing poetry
[mostly]
for me
September 24, 2023
observing the world around me
in a more base-neutral moment
as opposed to rainbows and bright surprise
as opposed to muddy depression eyes
objects seem to have less meaning
when i don’t imbue them with special properties
or haunting kinds of memories
they just are
September 11, 2023
how lost
am i
that i don’t
feel things
except panic
~~~
stressing
less
than i probably should be
given
circumstances
but more
than i probably would be
without
anxiety
(are they related?)
(probably)
~~~
maybe
some day
i’ll finish a
whole big-ass poem
(but probably not today)
September 1, 2023
connections/
connecting/
friendship/
words/
will i say the right thing?
will i do this the right way?
[you don’t need to keep auditioning
for your friendships]
August 31, 2023
the panic
sets in
seasons shift
old memories
more people than i can handle
more emotions than i capable of processing
i just want to breathe
slowly
intentionally
and not feel like it’s simply a
mask
against my true
scared
self
August 19, 2023
where did these sads come from?
why do they appear
in the midst of what should be
a happy time?
how are they somehow
related
to that happy time?
like i can’t let myself
get swept up in the moment —
i need to remind myself
in every moment
of joy
that despair
and tragedy
exists.
like if i let go
of the depression
that runs everything,
the glue that holds my whole being
together
will loosen
and split
and i’ll fall
apart;
and i just want
to be
myself
[someday]
[someday]
August 16, 2023
forlorn
desolate
why can’t i be honest?
why can i never
update
realistically?
why am i so scared of being
me?
July 7, 2023
i’d kindly lay myself aside
for a pup or cat or Kip
but the hardest thing i had to learn
was that my survival is their wish
July 6, 2023
course-correcting
my sail needs some attention
there are holes and rips and i can’t seem to get the tail-wind right
and i don’t know anything about sailing
so i don’t know if i’m getting this analogy at all accurate
but i do feel
like a little sailboat
in the midst of a great ocean
trying to catch a breeze
but the winds of executive function
keep blowing right through me
kipventures 