July 31, 2025

there’s something i know about myself
that others may not

it’s that i can always find a bright side
as long as i’m sharing the story with
someone else

got lost on a path i didn’t know well?
i got the opportunity to see bunnies and deer and one cat and two horses
and enjoy nature in a way i haven’t since
i grew up in middle of nowhere ohio

stumbled upon some uneven ground?
i am reminding myself of my rural roots
clambering over rocks and holes and
hopefully not twisting my ankle
like when i was an awkward teen

didn’t sleep well the first night of a retreat?
honestly, i’m getting back to my roots once more
adolescence
and early adulthood
and never sleeping more than an hour at a time
and waking up to see what’s happening online
[just as slow then as my service is here]

and while my younger years were not a piece of cake
by any means
and i wouldn’t want to relive them fully

getting the opportunity to rehash them with a
stronger body
and more calmed mind
surrounded by other artists…

kind of a quiet dream.

December 26, 2021

the concept of living on
borrowed time
of surviving past
when you should be gone
often implies
a sense of freedom
of living each day like your last
but the true implications
of living on borrowed time
skew
negative:
like you could be gone at any moment
so you live always looking over your shoulder,
and that’s why i identify
more
with living on borrowed time
because surviving past my teen-hood
(a feat i literally never imagined)
never brought me a sense
of living life to the fullest;
instead i’m constantly wondering
‘when’???

i was so certain of when it would be
and that passed
but i’m living on borrowed time
it’s gotta happen someday
so,
like i said…
when???

July 20, 2021

am i so tired now
because my teen days
were 21 hours of manic waking
followed by three night-hours of insomnia?

[or is this still the insomnia,
just a whole new flavor?]

December 4, 2020

people say that scent
is the strongest sense-memory

but…

…damn

that first chord plays in my ears
from the first song on the Spring Awakening soundtrack
and i’m suddenly 17
trying to find a burger king nearby
(without a smartphone)
so my friends and i can gobble up
fast food veggie burgers
before/while driving
to what we nick-named
“nuclear reactor beach”

or

the first three blasts on the trumpet
on the Star Trek Voyager theme song
and i can feel the early autumn 4 o’clock sun on my face
from our west-facing windows
nestling in for some post-school entertainment
at ages 5, 6, 7, 8…

or

the entire album of Todd Rundgren’s
A Wizard, a True Star
makes me want to clean the whole house
on a Saturday morning

or

any Death Cab for Cutie
song
and i’m driving
late night
to and from Oberlin
keeping up a high school romance
vaguely long distance
independent
thinly masked sadness
and yet infinite possibilities