sunlight

June 14, 2026

/ HJ / Leave a comment

i feel like i’m coasting
sliding around in
almost-depression-land
and i can’t tell what’s
keeping me relatively afloat —
is it having theatre again?
is it my kip? my cat? my dog?
is it my brain chemistry/hormone levels finally calming and settling?
is it the summer heat?
or the summer sunlight?
is it the medication whose only job is to keep the depression from overtaking me?
is it some combination of all of these?

but it’s so strange to feel
the slippery sliding that usually means
an approach to a worse and worse time
but then feeling overall mildly okay

June 4, 2026

/ HJ / Leave a comment

why
why
why must i keep waking up
in the 5:00 hour
when i don’t actually need to be getting out of bed
until 7am?

is it the sunlight? is it the stress? is it my body craving more time in the day?
is it the heat? is it the animals? is it my to-do list screaming me awake?
is it dehydration? overhydration? is it the caffeine coursing through my veins?

how much how much how much is my body in charge
vs. the external situation(s)
vs. me

January 4, 2026

/ HJ / Leave a comment

dusty computer screen

don’t fix it
don’t wipe it away

instead enjoy how each speck
catches the sunlight as it streams through the window
a little earlier
and earlier
each morning

[we’re on the upswing now—
it only gets brighter
from here]

July 5, 2025 [part 2]

/ HJ / Leave a comment

time
disappears
when you spend it on a beach
soaking up the rays of the sun
[through three layers of spf 50
only to burn burn burn anyway]
and swimming in the ocean
[or is it a sea?]
but somehow
there’s no need to be
running running running

we’ll get places when we get there

[and this island is small enough that it is likely
we’ll still be on time
if we leave a little late]

April 6, 2025

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it’s so astounding how beneficial
the spring is to my
general
mood

i have literally been
hopeless
and helpless
for months

and then it warms up once
and i see a couple of green buds
on a couple of tree branches
and the sunlight hits
more and more of my day
and i say
“i can do this!”

July 26, 2023

/ HJ / Leave a comment

help me see —
one and one and one make me
less likely to spend time outside
but more likely to desire that vitamin d/
sunlight hitting my pasty skin
i see only lobster burn
i see only carcinogen —
but knowing i could be out
knowing i could walk about
that is enough to balance out
my extreme depression
into something more equivalent
to simple summertime sadness

(but
what happens
when the weather turns
again?)

September 6, 2022

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there is a house plant
i was certain was dead
so i tucked it outside
just to get the sadness out of my head

but the plant,
with natural sun and rainwater grew
from the tiniest sickly shrivel
to four full leaves popping through

that isn’t to say
the outside is always a sanctuary
(our peach tree and hydrangea
can attest to that theory)

but i suppose what’s here,
the moral to this story and the full truth,
is that sometimes all you really need
is naturally occurring on our Mother Earth

March 7, 2022

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it feels
like spring
today

wild flowers
blossoming into
purple patches
on our lawn

it feels
like spring
today

no coat
necessary
for dog-
walking

it feels
like spring
today

yesterday’s rain
melds in
my nose
with other
nyc smells
to create
something
new

it feels
like spring
today

the spouse
planning a
garden
on each
terrace
in the
back

it feels
like spring
today

we all
sat/stood
in the
sunlight
absorbing it
knowing

that although

it feels
like spring
today

tomorrow
could be
a whole
different
story.