December 21, 2023

it’s that time of year
where the only dopamine is from the bright decorative lights after the sun sets at 4
and that of the morning sun hitting the frost just so
as i shiver in my own home
[no matter what the heat is set to]
and i can’t help but wish for the brighter days/the warmer ways
that summer months send us
and annoy us
and i would much rather be complaining of too much heat
than even a little bit of cold —
my muscles tighten up in winter,
my whole body stops moving smoothly,
and i can’t can’t cannot get happy
no matter what i do

[i can’t even get into
writing poetry in
the morningtime]

[but at least it gets better from here on out, right?]

June 22, 2023

i sit here
at my keyboard
wishing to hold the solstice
in higher regard
wanting a celebration
a consistent practice
an honoring of some kind

and i know,
i know,
that i have the ability to do so–
i have the calendar
and adult wherewithal
and resources
to make this happen–
but i feel trapped
by the depression
that anticipates
the worst
of time flowing by
instead of celebrating
our earth still turning
my lungs still breathing
our days still day-ing
until they
no longer
do

December 21, 2022

i can hold
two things at once
inside

i can be
so joyful
so filled with pride
about the decade we’ve made it
together
against [some] odds
and i can be
swirling with emotions
that the solstice
opens up within me

the world is not black and white
indeed, the shades of grey are not all there is either–
this earth is filled with vibrant color all around us
and the sooner we learn to live with and within it
instead of against it
the closer our peace
will become

[this is not to say i’m fully there
prepared to tell you how to live your life
this poem is a reminder to myself
a coaxing and holding space
for all the strange feelings
that accompany living
and a compassionate share
with anyone else
who needs it as much
as i do
today]