feeling like i just want to fall asleep
and stay asleep
at any given moment
of any given day
and is it depression?
is it the exhaustion of an
active allergic reaction?
am i just a little bit less
energetic
than the average
person?
could it be something i’m not even thinking of
yet?
or do i just want to spend my days lost in my own imagination land?
[and
could i bring that imagination
into my own waking
writing
life
sometime?
soon?
please?]
here i thought it was the
‘having an actual regularly scheduled job’
that was making the days long
and the nights
rough
but i think it’s actually this
unknown
allergy
type
thing
because it’s hard to be awake
and itchy and inflamed
and it’s hard to fall asleep
not knowing what your body is going to do to you
next
i don’t know what to write
[i don’t know how to write]
my brain has been sucked dry
and all that’s left is
stardew
valley
this whole experience
[even after only one week]
has been wild
honestly
just from a ‘working a regular old 9-5’ perspective
because, damn if i haven’t craved the weekend
with the hunger of a hundred vampires
as my only chance to truly
truly truly truly
relax
[unfortunately, this first weekend was quite…
full]
[maybe next weekend i can
sleep]
dazed
waking up at 5:45
on purpose
[awake far before that]
when am i going to be able to get
a full night’s sleep
into my body
consistently???
can i sleep
for a week
and regain my ability
to be a person
throughout a day?
wow
so tired
barely able
to get words out
before being distracted
by something sleepy
like big yawns or
just gazing off
into nothing
so tired
wow
there are some mornings
you wake up
and are ready for the day;
you start going through the list
of things to do
and you
get excited about he prospect
of accomplishing those tasks
and some mornings you wake up
and you can’t think about anything other than
when your next nap will be,
because you left your true self
somewhere in a dream
and you ned to get back there
in order to bring it with you
into the conscious waking land
(and without that self
you’re pretty much just falling asleep
wherever you stand/sit/stay anyway)
guess which this morning
is
what a sleepy day
what a tired night
what a burnt out week/month/year
what an exhausted life.
kipventures 