August 6, 2024

i NEVER sit the same way
for more than forty minutes
[unless i’m at a play
and i am next to people i don’t necessarily know
then i force myself:
feet flat on the ground,
hands in my lap,
holding on for dear life
the position i’ve chosen;
whether i get antsy,
whether i am uncomfortable,
whether i end up thinking more about my body position
in a tiny chair
than the play or musical itself;
i have to be
NOT
the mess beside the person
that ruined the show for them —
if that means i must ruin the show for myself
so be it.]

January 30, 2023

when i write
i write at a table
but i don’t use the table
(except to hold my morning coffee)
i slide down in my chair
and lift my legs to the other across
and lay my laptop across my lap
cross one foot over the other
and write until my legs or butt falls asleep
or until my terrible posture hurts my back
or until my arms start to get sore
from low-key holding my laptop on my criss-crossed lap
and somehow this works for me
though i can’t help but imagine
a me
where i sit properly
feet fully reaching the floor
posture great
writing without pain sneaking its way in
and wonder if
i’d write
better
longer
if i sat like
a regular person

~~~

the cat gallops upstairs
chasing invisible ghosts
and singing the song of her kin
and at least she can amuse herself like this
for hours on end
while we break our evening’s fast with coffee and poetry and song
the cat’s harmony never quite fitting with whatever we play
but that’s why we love it (and her) so

~~~

i would like to write a letter to my grandmama some time today
because she constantly writes me lovely greetings
‘how are you’s’ and ‘here’s been my day’
and i love them so much.
and i’ve told her,
but i know the reciprocal is just as loved as the appreciation
and she literally said she wonders how we’re doing
so i suppose that’s what is on my agenda
(other than circus)
today

August 17, 2022

chill morning
chill music
moving info
both satisfying
and
frustrating
at the same time
[when/will it ever end?]

~~~

but my butt
hurts
when i sit in chairs
like a normal human
/
when i try to sit in chairs
like a normal human
and my body instinctively inclines itself
further and further leftwards
until my [right] butt hurts more
than it initially did
so i should just start
sitting
like the queer that i am
to avoid
further
injury

~~~

writing
in fits
and starts
(or starts
and starts
and i wonder where the fits
fit in with
this chill morning
of mine)