September 14, 2024

Friday
the Thirteenth of March
Twenty-Twenty
our tickets to Hadestown
blinked into oblivion
as Broadway shut down

and though a two-week shut-down
then turned to four,
and then a month,
and slowly more,
and our money was eventually refunded,
and vaccines were developed and administered,
and boosters,
and we caught the ‘vid,
and got more shots,
and caught it again,
and a few Friday the Thirteenths passed,
it never felt like the right time
to try again — our luck had been so bad
[as with tv shows we find early on and love,
which end up getting only season one
or season two at best, when we all know the arc started
would account for at least five] so kip and i stayed away
from part of the reason we moved here anyway —
seeing only shows when we could get last-minute tickets
from other people:
A Strange Loop
because the original ticket owners caught the pandemic sickness
[remember, just because there’s a vaccine for a rapidly mutating virus
doesn’t mean the pandemic is over,
remember, remember, remember, please];
Cursed Child
because our friend is in it and can give us comp tickets
so we don’t give that terf any any any of our money;
plus a few non-Broadway shows
still bought not at all in advance
because we remain so scared
of getting our hopes up
and having them dashed

but a week before this Friday the Thirteenth
of September this time
in Twenty-Twenty-Four this time
we agreed
to finally see
Hadestown

and while it wasn’t what we expected,
it was still spectacular
[with spectacle being something
integral to the Broadway experience, and done very
very well
and very in-the-story for this tale to tell]
and the talent amazing
and a few songs still stuck in our head

and it does feel like some sort of an end to an era
but maybe, better yet, a beginning
to exploring what other theaters have to offer
without feeling the heavy hand of a made-up curse
behind
us

November 17, 2020

i had a dream last night
that i was at a theme park
all roller coasters and arcade games
and fried food and good friends
and yet, in the air, there was the stench of stress
of disease
and i realized
that i shouldn’t be there.

i was there with a friend
i haven’t seen in ages
and we were enjoying our time
(it seemed the park had just opened up
and we were some of the first to ride its rides
again
after shut-down)
but the shut-down wasn’t done yet,
they just decided to open
they said they had precautions in place
but all i saw was slightly less people
and no way of stemming that flow
once the gates were truly open
(indeed, it wasn’t really much less than on a rainy summer day.)

and though my friend and i enjoyed our time
and i said hi to her family
and we replayed our crazy youth
(of rehearsals and post-show chi-chi’s gatherings
getting ‘drunk’ on sprite
and ‘high’ on pixy stix)
there was still a reminder
in the back of my head
“we are in a pandemic
we should still be in lock-down
what are you doing?
what are you doing?

what are you doing???”

but i couldn’t seem to leave.

maybe it was the social obligation;
i had arrived here with my friend
(i think we’d driven together)
i couldn’t just abandon her.
or maybe it was a selfish decision;
i hadn’t had this much fun
in over 8 months,
i hadn’t even been to a theme park
in years
i’d get cravings
(though i’ve never craved the crowds)
and there was still one more ride i wanted to ride
one more game i wanted to try
one more food i wanted to partake in
(plust the park wasn’t closing for hours and hours)

so my insides struggled
with the guilt of knowing i shouldn’t be there
and the knowledge that i could just leave
but the compulsivity to stay.

would i have not entered the park, had my dream started earlier?
given me an out of not feeling like i’d ‘already gotten this far’?
or would i have convinced myself there was some reason
saying ‘we’d already driven this far’
or ‘well they invited me’
or ‘i mean, the pandemic is lessening, right?’

but it’s not, it’s getting worse and worse, but half of the united states decided they were
‘bored of the pandemic’
‘bored of the lockdown’
‘bored of taking precautions for themselves and[especially] for others’

and i want to be bored of it all
but frankly, i enjoy the solitude

however

i miss my friends and my family
i miss having a place to go to every day
i miss exploring
i miss feeling like i could spend hours in one public place
i miss classes and hugs and working towards feeling strong
i miss feeling like i could one day make this city my own.

but mostly, i miss the souls i never met.
what if that first statistic was meant to be my new best friend
what if that person who had an ongoing condition
won’t be able to dance again
because their breath was taken away
by a disease traveling the globe
and they won’t go back to a class ever again
because they feel too embarrassed by their loss.
what if there was a chance encounter
a silly thing
mixed-up drinks at a coffee shop
or a jovial ‘yes and’ at a subway platform
just the little things that you hold in your heart
and maybe tell your spouse at the end of the day
that make the city feel like the most welcoming place
in the world
and now we can’t
because people think that roller coasters
and their own enjoyment
are more important
than other people’s
lives.

please stay inside.