July 20, 2026

the immediate is often a good way to start

the senses:

i see — this blank page in front of me, but like most digital
formats, i’ve kept it in dark mode, so it doesn’t really feel like
a blank piece of paper, white and crisp and clean, it feels like
every other dark digital adventure in my life right now

i hear — the fan above me, well, i believe i hear the motor
turning it, not so much the fan itself, though the fan does
blow the air into my ears, and i cannot tell if that’s a hear or
a feel sense, because they get mixed up somewhere in my
brain, but also i hear cars outside every so often, and my
kip placing their mug of tea back on the table after taking
a sip

i feel — also the fan, it’s blowing its air so hard that i’m
gathering goosebumps along my arms as i write, thinking
to myself ‘maybe i should have kept that flannel on, or
brought down a cardigan, or a hoodie…’ why am i such a
freezebaby? it’s summer, it’s the time to wear shorts and
tank tops and always feel overheated and sweaty, i’m
simply cold and sweaty, like the rest of the year…

i smell — the coffee i just made for myself, blackberry cobbler
coffee, wafting in through the kitchen and through my own mug,
mixing in with the scents of this house i am now nose-blind to,
until i leave for a bit, then i come back inside, and there are those
smells, the smells of wood and kips and one dog one cat and
something else that i only associate with this house…they’re all
there in the mix as well

i taste — that same coffee, sipping every few minutes, sipping when
i’m at a loss for what to write and need a moment to find my
bearings, sipping when i feel the placebo effect from the last sip
fading, and need to remind my neurons that i’m caffeinated, even
though i know the caffeine really doesn’t affect me that much; it’s
all association with taste, and honestly, i kind of like it that way

i wrote of the immediate
i wrote three hundred plus words in this poem alone
is this enough of a warm-up for writing?
is this something i’d want to actually post?
is this enough of a warm-up for life and living?

i think so

i think so

i think so

January 9, 2022

to delve back into
a former
self
i suppose i should use
and utilize
what i’m most afraid
of:
music being my strongest sense memory

i realize
that half the time
it is simply a chord or sustained note
that reminds me of a certain time
or place
or thought
or memory
but i also know certain songs
that hold those memories captive
like iron bubbles
i can see through
but they’re blurry
and i can’t seem to penetrate
unless i go fully inside
the song

so
i think i should
but i also think
i should do it
meditatively
with parameters
to hold the memories
and songs
in high esteem
treat them with reverence
and not abuse this power i’ve been granted
(nor rely on it too much
because i’m making new memories every day)

and what are the chances
that a song i listened to
a ton
in 2007/2008/2009
would show up through a randomizer in a little green app
[the visual memories aren’t yet here,
but boy is the emotional kerfuffle
strong
with this song…]

(what a ride that was)