my first words i set down
are always the most raw
the most me
the subsequent editing
and overthinking
and deleting
and more
and explaining
and rewriting ten times
that’s where it becomes no longer me
and instead
turns into
a parody of myself
a caricature of the person i think i am
(or at least think i could be)
all the potential falls at my feet
and any genuineness is forgotten
deleted
whisked away by
the persona of hj
when all i’d really like that persona to be
is the real hj
(but the overthinking and editing comes at that cost
and if i know i’m making mistakes
sharing too much or not enough
within the first draft
how do i make the edits more like me
instad of less)
(or is any written thought
always
going to be farther away from me?)