perhaps
in order to avoid the trappings
of first-time writings
[the “mary sue” the self-insertion
the romanticized tragedy
the not-flawed-enough protagonists
and too-flawed antagonists
and cursorily researched science
and all things i’d judge or freeze stagnant
when viewing in my own writing]
i simply need to go after them,
on purpose even,
and indulge.
gibberish poems
can become
gibberish songs
which may be
exactly what i need to do
in order to stop me
from overanalyzing
and overjudging
and overscrutinizing
my own creativity
if
every time i sing
is not a time for noticing
but instead a time for horrid judging
a time to nitpick how my voice is not to my liking
a time to either be perfect or, if not, then so far away it’s not even worth it to continue on
then
how can i noodle with my voice
into a safe space/a kinder place for me
to explore and notice and be neutral and not judge at all
is it even possible?
[it is with a growth mindset, you know.]
trying
to be writing
with music playing
(words wording up the place)
(but such good words
you know?)
my focus is split
(even more than usual)
and i can’t reread what i’ve already written
to see if it flows
spits
fits and starts
start me towards a real poem
one of these days
two of these days
three four, that’s all i need
to concentrate on one solid slam
of a poem written down
picked up
spat out
at an open mic
or recorded for those who truly see me
every week
(i miss that)
(i feel weak for missing that)
(but there’s no need to self-judge—
you’ve done that far more than enough)
and the most interesting part
of writing
with words
flowing behind my mind
is that i find myself rhyming with the phrasing i’m hearing
rather than the phrases i’m writing
and i don’t know if any of this
will make any sense
but i’m kinda digging
this
split-focus
un-re-read
rhyming with words you won’t hear
if you’re just reading this poem here
kinda vibe
kipventures 