i’m
always
overwhelmed

because i keep
breaking everything down
into smaller and smaller pieces

you’d think this would help

it hurts

because i keep all the pieces inside my perception
the whole and the parts
and the parts feel
so many…

for example:
i follow the backwards projection
of everything everything everything to try to
negate my own impact
on the world

i know fast fashion
is terrible for the environment
so i err towards slow fashion
i err towards second-hand
but both of these have impacts
money spent in the fashion industry
and the possibility that it won’t fit well
it will wear out
eventually
and i’ll have to make a decision
whether or not
to throw it
out

so i err towards making my own clothing
but there are still impacts:
fabric to buy
[if i know the person who makes my clothes
is working too hard
for too little pay — that still stays
when talking about who is making
the fabric when i make
my own clothing, correct?]
and all the notions
and thread
and little things
i’m still paying
into the economy — what if i want to be
completely self-sustaining?

so then we look at visible mending
the clothes i already have
with the supplies i already have
which is quite a bit
but i’m still forever getting little things:
sashiko patterns
and replacing certain embroidery thread
i know i’ll use
and darning tools
and i just want to
not
buy
anything
at
all

and on and on and on
and backwards and backwards and backwards
and when is something too warn out to wear
and how many rags can you really have
before it’s just an excuse to keep
tiny
tiny
tiny
things
everywhere everywhere everywhere around the house

i’m not explaining myself very well
but it is a thing i think about
every
single
day