deciding
deciding
deciding between
connection and
mental health and
why is it that there’s no
solid line between the two
and they’re interspersed
with fascism in this land
and those who want to fight
also have to use the damn
master’s tools
as it stands
why can’t we
just burn it all
down
and start with something new built on
compassion?
can i sleep
for a week
and regain my ability
to be a person
throughout a day?
everything feels like sci fi these days
whether it’s the prevalence of ai
in our lives
[uninvited]
every day
or the threats of new pandemics
bearing down
on all of us
or the literal implosion
of our country/
explosion of our government
into full blown fascism
[from a simmering pot
of fascism called many other things
that it was
for many
many years]
and i’m just one little enby
trying to figure out how to be the
best person i can be:
helping others,
keeping a kind heart,
standing up to injustices,
learning about my internalized biases,
all while having a constant background soundtrack
of appropriate ambient sounds —
the songs and vibes of our times —
tuned to the bones
beside/inside
my ears
it really does feel
like sci fi
around here
video game music
and pondering strange dreams
and trying to hold the countdown
to the hour after next
still
so i can have some more chill morning time
with my kip before they need to leave
again [this time into the city]
and i need to go upstairs
and talk about my
~feelings~
[ugh]
i’ve been tracking my sneezes
since the start of the year
it’s a very very very silly
new year’s resolution
but damn am i invested
interestingly
i usually sneeze at least once
every day
but some things can up the count
like being sick [only one day impacted]
or adding abundant amounts of jerk seasoning
to my dinner of rice
[only one extra sneeze added]
otherwise, it seems to be
randomness
some days two sneezes instead of one
some days zero sneezes at all
and one bizarre seven-sneeze day
out of nowhere
but this is only after
28 days of data collection
let’s check back after
at least a full
month…
i
am
a writer
i write
every
damn
day
i even get paid
to write
sometimes
and if i get a little overwhelmed
when a prompt for writing
isn’t
something i’m used to
that’s okay.
ugh, i can’t even write a poem
about being unable to write a poem
because being sick sucks…
creeping through discord
just like i crept through
other social media empires
maybe i’m just a creep
and that’s all i’ll ever be
when related to media of the social variety
hungry
for breakfast
day
for justice
and peace
hungry
for whatever’s
just out of reach
hungry
starving
yearning
wanting
learning
that sometimes
the hunger makes the stomach work
harder
but not better
rather
worse
than how it was left
before
before
once again i’m
writing in my bed while i
feel a little dread from
the world around me but
my cat is purring and
my dog is sighing and
my kip is working and
i suppose i’ll give tomorrow a go
