January 16, 2024

finally
finally
we have snow!

the ominous winds
have slowed
to a gentle breeze/
a softer blow/
carrying upon it
flecks of white and
cold as ice, but
piling up like pillows.

the puppy, she leaps and bites
at each shovel-full/
each chunk of salt
scattered for safety
scattered for prosperity
scattered for the memory
of living in wisconsin
and doing this daily.

though it hasn’t felt like winter
until this very snowfall,
i immediately regretted
wanting
and taunting
the skies with my lines
after each prediction of precipitation
“i’ll believe it when i see it.”

now that i’m dealing with it,
i believe it
i believe it
now can it
be over with?

January 15, 2024

vertigo
springs out of nowhere —
nausea
then dizziness
[then both]
[don’t underestimate them
together]
we feel for past kip,
we feel for louka,
we feel for current kip
as they navigate these rough seas,
this daily drammamine
this unknowledge of what will make things
a little better/
a lot worse
[cold packs/movement of any kind/egg drop soup/screens/ginger tea/overheating]
contemplating
how to work in a world
this way

waiting

for a day
when the vertigo might
go away

[go away!]

January 14, 2024

the soundtrack of our morning
includes:
skipped songs on a playlist
whenever they have words to them,
the soft stomps of a puppy
forcing me to play with her
and whatever toy she brings me,
the tippity taps of fingers on keys
from my poetry
and kip’s programming,
and the cat
somewhere
somewhere
in this building.

January 12, 2024

what a stressful last couple of days
what a travel/missed communication/vertigo/sleepy sleepy exhaustion couple of days
what a worry worry worry couple of days

i’m glad we’re back and together and okay.

January 11, 2024

letting a poem end
where it wants to end,
though you have so many postscripts and parentheticals to add/
explanation and context a reader may need/
something a little extra so you’re not misunderstood/
but letting a poem end
and stand
where it wants to let be
and let free
is a thing of bravery —
i’m learning
i’m learning

January 10, 2024

the wind howling all night
rain smack splat thwacking the windows —
the puppy and i, unable to rest our eyes,
for hoping the terror in the night
is just nature knocking a little too forcefully
on our door
[but fear it is something more];
staring into the darkness
hoping to see a clue being borne,
hoping to see the end of the storm —
unable, we slink to a different bedroom
a smaller, cozier, stiffer bedroom
thank goodness for a guest bed, one where i can
fall asleep
but i wish wish wish
it could be a bed
where i stay
a
sleep
all night
all night

alas, alack,
’tis not to be

[but at least sleep caught up with the puppy]

January 9, 2024

alone with a puppy
because kip is out in st. louis —
i get to watch whatever i want
at whatever volume i like /
i can light candles
or eat something smelly /
i can clean the house
or leave it messy /
i can listen to music so spooky
in the middle of january —
but i would still rather have my kip here with me
[as would the puppy
as would the puppy]

January 7, 2024

math jazz
leaves your mind
expecting
exactly
what it
isn’t

~~~

i’ve written so much
of
nothing this morning
and
i can’t seem to stop
nor
do i feel satisfied with anything i’ve done
so
i guess i’ll keep writing and writing and writing
until
i feel some sort of closer closure, somewhere.

~~~

do i not want to review my older works because i think they’ll be worse,
or do i not want to delve deep because i know myself and my tendency
to get all wrapped up, bundled in the blanket of the past, wondering
what if what if what if, until i find myself unable to experience the
presence of the
present
moment
?