April 4, 2024

there is something
~tragic~
about terrible gum

especially in one’s
favorite
flavor:

the excitement
for the bright blue
of ultra-sour
blueberry

the curly-q
of a whole big tape
of bubble gum
waiting in front of you

and to have the initial unfurl
of the roll
snap
and break
and shatter
only bodes ominous
for the rest of the experience

and then
for the flavor to be good
for maybe four seconds
just makes the loss of flavor
later
hurt one’s soul
a million times over

and if that weren’t enough

right when you think you should just
spit it out
be done with it,
a random flavor pocket will burst to life
and you want to chew more
to not waste any flavor,
but the chewing hurts your jaw
and the flavoring is overall
so underwhelming

this disappointment
is one of the worst
of my life

[not really, but man,
when you are *in the mood* for some
blueberry bubble gum
and this happens…
the soul aches
for brand-name hubba bubba
bubble tape]

April 3, 2024

casting the blank ballot
was frightening
and liberating
and a little guilt-i-fying

though i’d never do it for the actual presidential election
and i don’t know how much it’ll change anything
i did it
i did it
i did it
for the people
of Palestine

[now let’s go do
more]

April 2, 2024

in the middle of a very tough conversation
about the state of the world
and how terrible it is
and how sometimes we just want someone
[or something]
to blame,
and how that can easily take one into
conspiracy theory territory,
and what to do to actually
better
this terrible
world we’re living in —
we got on the subject of unions,
and how unionizing is one of two proven things
working within our system
that actually makes the peoples’ voice
louder
and have more power,
and i stop for a moment, and say “i love you.”
and kip asks why
[as they do]
and i respond “because you recommend that all workers under you
join or form
a union.”
my eyes still shining with love and adoration
at my manager of a spouse
[who can’t make or join a union, for conflict of interest reasons]
and they roll their eyes with love
and say
“that is the gayest
and most communist thing
you’ve ever said to me”

and i love them even more now.

April 1, 2024

i no longer *have* to be anywhere
on april fools day
if it lands on a week-day

and for this, i am grateful

my school-years were filled with
mondays/tuesdays/wed/thurs/fridays
of april 1
and constant
constant
anxiety

it’s not even like i had a prank-gone-wrong
or anything mean like that
happen to me
directly

but i grew up in the age of
disney channel originals
and nickelodeon tv shows
and candid camera
and that one ashton kutcher reality thing
and just by virtue of being aware
of terrible
horrible
pranks
gave me a perpetual panic edge
every april first

[yes, just living in a society
with no personal experience
can change one’s
perception
of everything]

[there’s an implication here for something more,
societally,
but i’d rather spend this foolish day
chilling
and gathering
calmness around me]

March 30, 2024

swag bags
filled with stuff
from a college i never attended
[maybe never will]
but still
a place of lovely memories
and blossoming friendships
even if
just for one event
in one
day

March 29, 2024

i can stare at pictures of me
and think
“what a baby”
while distincly remembering how adult i felt
at the time

now, i don’t know what i look like from the outside,
but inwardly,
i’m younger
than a baby —
a fetus maybe,
or not even yet imagined,
because i know so much less now
than i did
as a teen who grew up too fast.

March 28, 2024

focus
focus
focus

write the poems
and don’t get distracted
by the music
or the artwork
or the potential bagels
arriving
anytime
soon

focus
focus
focus

don’t be taken in by
the coffee beside you
or the potential trips
all coming up
or the gig
later today
or the stress
slowly
approaching
encroaching

focus
focus
focus

you just need 300 words
it’s not that difficult
it’s not that hard
it’s not a means to an end
but instead
a means to
a beginning

March 26, 2024

today is for following the dopamine
[while still contributing to society]
wear whatever makes your heart thump with joy
even if that’s cotton harem pants/
a t-shirt from Pride 2020/
an old grandpa cardigan/
and iridescent rainbow sparkle tennis shoes,
and listen to pump-up music
[hype instrumental mix
since the search function isn’t working
and i really just want to listen to
funk]
and write until you don’t want to,
and drink coffee whenever the spirit moves you,
and hydrate because you love it,
and maybe even bring a sewing with you to work
[or just go straight for the alphabetization—
you know how much you love that]
[even though it seems never-ending…]
and just go
with the flow
and row
to the hype-beat of your own
[whatever]