July 31, 2026

the nose feels the cold first
breathing in the chill air
where it warms in my lungs
huddled up with my other
bodily organs, tucked and blanketed
by sinew and blood and skin and
pajamas and sheets and blankets
even the near inch of hair on my head
is enough to protect the skull from feeling
the crispness of the air, and the cheeks flushed
half tucked in a pillow, hands huddled underneath,
but the nose is the most exposed
and it tells the rest of the body how it will feel in
a few minutes when we finally
face the reality of
the outside of the bed

and it tells us
be prepared
to feel as close to frozen
as one can in the summer
in a barn in
pennsylvania

July 30, 2026

i still have a tendency to downplay things i’m excited about
to not get fully
actually
excited about them
because what if something happens
and i’m no longer able to do the thing
i was so damn
excited about?

the roller coaster of emotions
from so stoked
to so damn devastated
is one i’ve experienced
more times than i’d care to have experienced

it is an emotional roller coaster
that i do not
want to ride
ever again

but
isn’t part of living
experiencing emotions?
the good and bad and devastating
the excitement and disappointment
and even boredom
are all part of the human experience

and isn’t that all i’ve ever longed for:

an experience and an understanding
of being
human?

July 29, 2026

at least
i’ve committed to the bit
for as long as i have
working memory

at least
i come from a long line
of folks who have
absolutely committed to the bit
even before that was a common phrase

at least
i have so much fun
committing to the bit

because joy is
one of the things
i want most out of life

at least
others have acknowledged
and admired
my ability to commit to the bit

i don’t know what i’d do
if it were
otherwise…

July 28, 2026

a lovely family weekend
memorials and libraries
and beaches and movies
and good good food

always too short of a visit

but at least there are visits

[and monday evening facetimes
even when we’re both so tired]

we have known each other
a damn long time, after all
after all

July 26, 2026

chatting about things i’ve done
which i have little to no memory of
is always kind of a trip
[but i’ve come to accept it]

this poem could be titled: visits with my father

July 24, 2026

the sixteen beeps of the
nightly car alarm
that keeps me half awake from 2:30 to 5:30
when i give up and just get up

i’ve counted the beeps
but i haven’t counted the seconds between

because that changes

it could be a few seconds
it could be a few minutes

it’s just varied enough to keep
my nerves heightened

i think, if the beeping continued and continued, i may be able
to sleep through that, or if it was sixteen beeps, then sixteen beeps
worth of silence, maybe i could be lulled into unconsciousness through
the pattern, but this lack of consistency is what keeps me
awake

and in stress

July 23, 2026

avoiding things
and having them be
easy

doing things right way
and seeing they are
hard

how long till it balances out?

how long till everything is even-keeled?

how long till i actually understand myself and humanity in general?

[i think i may be out of luck in that respect…]

July 22, 2026

i’m writing so many words today
figuring things out in my brain i
didn’t know i needed figuring out

through poetry
and allegory
and just straight up facts

the coffee has hit the tastebuds
but i’ve written so fast
i think it hasn’t yet hit the bloodstream
or brain
quite yet

i didn’t know i didn’t know i didn’t know
i needed to process these particular things
but that’s why morning page poetry is so useful:
sometimes you sit down to write
and you just write about how much you’re
not writing
and sometimes you sit down to write
and discover secrets that you had hidden
from even
yourself

now to process the processing…