February 19, 2023

the focus
of today
is failing

whether i write one hundred words
or one
i can’t seem to keep them all in line
with one another

i’m not one to give up
but i am known for knowing
when i’m fighting a losing battle
and maybe it’s simply time
to give myself
a [day’s]
break

February 17, 2023

wake
myself up
with poetry

widen my eyes
with words

pump my veins
with phrases
of soft rhymes
and alliterations

and pick up the pace
of morning
with stanzas of
longing

and beauty

wake
myself up
with poetry

February 13, 2023

i wish i had written more as a child
about what it felt like to be
those ages that i was–
it all felt so solid
inevitable
unchangeable
at the time

but now it slips my mind
i try to hold the grains of sand
as tightly as i can
and i have no specificity
just generic hazy memory
like things
vibes
of times
but i want the solid
the thought processes
the emotions (good and bad and in-between)
i want to remember
me

but instead i get this vague reaching
for who i used to be
and who i might
have grown
into

but none of this feels as solid
as writing does
now

so maybe that’s why i write
every day
even if it feels silly
or poorly crafted
or i don’t know what i’ll ever do with it
i need to find a way to look back
and identify myself
from years away

because sometimes i can’t even identify myself today

February 12, 2023

a puppy
eating ice cream
and then the whole container

what a treat

~~~

sometimes i worry
that i’m wasting my writing talents
on publishing in a blog

but then i am reminded
of folks who may have thought
i wasted my acting talents
on community theatre

and who is wasting
and who is benefiting
in either of those situations?

is it simply
elitist?
classist?
or simply the whole vibe of white supremacist culture
to give some places
more standing
than others?

i suppose what i’m saying is
tho i wish more folks would read my words
and i saw more accolades and admissions of quality
(moreso for my own validation/vindication/curiosity)
i’ll continue to place it
here
for anyone to come across it
who may want or need it
(including me)

~~~

late night writing
(ok
again
not really that late)
toasty fireplace
cozy tea
coffee ready to be placed in the fridge
for tomorrow morning
when i’ll write all over again

February 9, 2023

is my autocorrect
sabotaging me?
filling in where i mean to leave off?
changing stances in stanzas
that need the awkwardness i placed?

my dear laptop computer,
please—
poetry is a delicate balance
of grammatically correct
and rule-breaking chaos
and i need to tread that line very carefully
so any help from you,
while appreciated,
is really not needed…

so no need to try
so damn
hard.

January 30, 2023

when i write
i write at a table
but i don’t use the table
(except to hold my morning coffee)
i slide down in my chair
and lift my legs to the other across
and lay my laptop across my lap
cross one foot over the other
and write until my legs or butt falls asleep
or until my terrible posture hurts my back
or until my arms start to get sore
from low-key holding my laptop on my criss-crossed lap
and somehow this works for me
though i can’t help but imagine
a me
where i sit properly
feet fully reaching the floor
posture great
writing without pain sneaking its way in
and wonder if
i’d write
better
longer
if i sat like
a regular person

~~~

the cat gallops upstairs
chasing invisible ghosts
and singing the song of her kin
and at least she can amuse herself like this
for hours on end
while we break our evening’s fast with coffee and poetry and song
the cat’s harmony never quite fitting with whatever we play
but that’s why we love it (and her) so

~~~

i would like to write a letter to my grandmama some time today
because she constantly writes me lovely greetings
‘how are you’s’ and ‘here’s been my day’
and i love them so much.
and i’ve told her,
but i know the reciprocal is just as loved as the appreciation
and she literally said she wonders how we’re doing
so i suppose that’s what is on my agenda
(other than circus)
today

January 29, 2023

sappy poems
for new york city bakeries
of a spouse still sitting at home without me
because they’re so good at caring for our
little broken puppy
and i’m off playing as an artiste
the way i’d hoped to be

January 19, 2023

my mind fills with stories
my eyes close and see words
language was always about translation
from thoughts to forms others understood

but here in this moment
when opportunity meets momentum
only morning pages
will ever
get done

~~~

but is that
so bad
a thing?

~~~

i know i could write prose in poetry
i know i could tell a story esoterically
but my words still only seem fit
to express the feelings
in my own life

how could i tell another’s?