the focus
is off
it has been
for at least 24 hours
and i can’t tell if it’s sleep-related
or stress
or sadness
or winter weather
or holiday pressure
or whatever
but the focus
is off
the focus
is off
and it’s not seeming
to fix itself
back on
poem
December 1, 2023
i see the world
through a poet’s eyes,
but also through the eyes
of depression
of anxiety
of ennui
of desperation
of overthinking
of too much knowledge
and not enough power,
but also through the eyes
of someone distinctly
of this century
this millennium
this time period —
speaking in meme
and shorthand
and writing all of my poetry
via computer keys and screen
and distracting myself with television
and video games
and podcasts
and anything to drown out
the sadness/despair/awareness
that a poet’s sense
sends/
that a poet’s eyes
see
November 30, 2023
i may have shot myself in the foot/
given myself a crazy amount of work to do
on this one, singular, last day of
National Novel Writing Month
but i also know i can do it —
it’ll be tough, but it’ll be achievable.
it’ll be hard
but i’m pretty damn sure
i can do it.
i easily made 3,000 words work
in one day of writing —
just two sections
and a break in-between,
so i’ll just have to do three sections
two breaks,
or more and more
if the work needs to be divided
into tinier bite-sizes
the only worry i have
is the focus
to be split
among writing
auditioning (i.e. memorizing/practicing)
and circus-ing
perhaps i’ll have to write
non-poetry
on the train
for the first time
ever…
November 29, 2023
it’s still so damn wild to me
to see the numbers 2-0-2-3 —
it feels futuristic
it feels like fantasy
i never thought i’d see much farther
than those zeroes three
at the turn of the century
the full new millennium
i was convinced i’d die before i hit eighteen
but then nineteen/twenty/twenty-one, -two, -three
and now i’m solidly into my thirties
and we are solidly into the two thousand twenties
and it still seems so fake to me,
me, a person who still remembers all dated items
with the first nineteen already filled in;
the 90’s were never supposed to end,
but they’re so long ago now
and i just can’t seem to fit my brain in
that the world keeps turning
time keeps ticking
as much as it all is a mortal construction
we live in a society
and the society says
this is the year twenty twenty three
[nah, still seems fake to me]
November 28, 2023
the care
and love
of friends
is still kinda weird to me;
i still don’t completely feel like i deserve it,
but i am glad that i have it.
November 27, 2023
the Kip Day tradition
of exchanging gifts
instead of only one giver and one receiver
makes birthdays seem so much more bearable
and puts less pressure on the birthday person
to like everything they’re given
and the Kip Day tradition
to make it a whole week
extends the birthday joy long before and past
what could be a big let-down
of so much expectation on only one day
and the Kip Day tradition
of calling birthdays Kip Days
and calling the week of exchanges
Kip Day Week
makes me feel
even more grounded
even more happy
that i found my Kip
and my Kip found me
for our sillies are so much in tandem
and even when they are not, we still vibe
we still ride
we are still allied
just us against everything
November 26, 2023
coffee is life
coffee is water
coffee is made of water
but it also dehydrates
but it also invigorates
and incorporates happiness where once there was none
coffee’s bitterness
comforts those accustomed to its sweeter kiss
the kiss of caffeine and morningtime
the kiss of smooth slides down the throat
the kiss of routine and hundreds of years of
awakened
creative
flow
November 25, 2023
do i have the capacity to write more poetry
do i have the capacity to write nicer poetry
do i have the capacity this morning
with lack of sleep
and potential illness
coughing down the back of my neck
and a looming NaNoWriMo deadline in front of me
[probably not, is the answer]
November 24, 2023
not thinking in poetry
this morning
not thinking in
much of anything
[too many thoughts
before getting out of bed]
November 23, 2023
and so it begins
the birthday season
the holiday season
and i am not ready
i don’t want it to be here
i’d rather stick my head underground
and let the world revolve around me
a few times before
i’m ready.
kipventures 