i’d love for this
to actually be the
fuck-it era
i’m entering
as i’m feeling
it might be
right
now
i hope it is
i hope it is
i hope it is
[because i’m so sick of feeling so
scared
all the damn time]
poem
March 6, 2026
got lost in my own story
the other day
invigorated and interested
and utterly captivated
[at least within that first section]
there were issues with the next
that’s true
but tiny edits only needed
in the top which
needed few
and i just wanted to learn/read
more
that was cool
that was cool
March 5, 2026
my body feels like it is
about to fall completely
apart
and i simply hope it stays together
for one [or two] more circus lessons
and an evening voiceover class
after all that
it is welcome to
fail
because friday is the day
i have a two hour massage booked
and hopefully
hopefully
hopefully
that can put me back together again
[or at least break my body apart
in such a way
that fitting myself back
goes the right
way]
March 4, 2026
i think
one more poem
i think
one more stream
of the consciousness
of the mind wandering
of the fingers tappity typing
all the way across the screen
one more poem
of waking myself up
the addition
of composition
to my coffee
and hydration
the combination
is what helps me
feel
slightly
more awake
slightly
more alive
slightly more ready
to make this day
one
that i can at least survive
[someday
i may just
thrive]
but today, i just have to aim
for one more poem
at
a
time
March 3, 2026
wary of the way people treat others
i sneak through the internet
creeping on conversations
reading and sometimes reacting
but never
ever
ever
replying
[that’s far too frightening]
but i’m still there[/here]
in the world wide web
day and night
[less so lately
but still
sometimes]
[perhaps even oftentimes]
waiting for the moment when i
might be called upon
to say something
important
something meaningful
something
loud
[but would i take that baton
or immediately hand it off
to someone who i know
is more comfortable
with conflict
and internet yelling
than my own self?]
i suppose i’ll just have to
dodge and wind my way around
until it comes to that day
and perhaps
sneak away
then
too
March 2, 2026
it’s already
march
but january and february seemed to take
forever
will the rest of this year
fly
by
or will it stretch and strain
as our cheeto in chief
brags about wars
and killing
whomever he pleases
i know i know i know
in just a few years
this will all have seemed
like it happened in the blink of an eye
but living in it
is dunking one’s head in molasses
and expecting
to blink
and breathe
and see
normally
March 1, 2026
spending so much time
on stardew valley
because
sometimes
you just need that oomf
to get you through
a day/week/fascist government
February 28, 2026
i’m terrified
of everything
i’m terrified of living life
but i’m so terrified
of not
i’m scared of the united states government
but i’m scared of moving to something
new
i’m afraid of imperfection
but i’m always sabotaging myself
when i come even partially close
to something close
to perfection
if someone were to meet me
they’d never know that i feel
my whole life is run by
fear
but damn
i’m so scared
all of the time
and i will avoid so many things
just to avoid that feeling
[though it follows me
everywhere]
but sometimes i do things
even when i’m utterly
terrified
and they say that’s bravery
so i suppose that’s kinda cool…
February 27, 2026
the future
or something
the past
or whatever
the present moment
never feels here
never feels solid
i’m either preparing for it
or looking back longingly
i never get to experience it
how does anyone
live inside it?
February 26, 2026
the morality
against ai
or for
the one company
willing to refuse
to bend to pressure
from our fascist fucked-up government
[the condolence we have
is
we give money to support
their stance, and
if they end up bending
we can just
cancel
and give it up
and be curmudgeons all over again]
kipventures 