February 8, 2026

if i had a tiktok presence
if i wasn’t afraid of the internet
if this was just after
acofaf had come out
i would absolutely do
that audition scene
playing all the
parts

but i don’t
and i am
and it came out so long ago
and i suppose i could do it
for me
and for anyone
who may need a little reminder about that
glorious piece of genius that is
dimension 20 presents
a court of fey and flowers

[but i don’t know of anyone
aside from us
who uses it as our comfort watch]

[i could take a stab though…]

[i’m so scared still…]

[maybe
a little
later]

February 7, 2026

i have had
quite the busy
busy week
and today is the day for
resting
and chores that have been waiting
for at least a week
if not more to
be done

and this may end up being my week
from now until
who knows when

but i’ll keep trucking
i’ll keep doing
until i find myself
trying
something different

[i still want to write more than anything
but i can never think of anything
to actually write
about]

February 6, 2026

something that doesn’t get enough love
is how dogs show their love
through leans

the bearing of their weight
by the side of my leg
makes me feel like i
am supporting this whole dog’s
whole heart
whole mental health
by my lonesome

and she’s choosing it

[what a damn honor
to be a human
that a dog loves]

February 5, 2026

perhaps we’re living on the edge

perhaps the space age is actually coming
and the future will be so much brighter
than this tragic darkness we’re currently enduring
and our art will be the stuff of legends
of how we got out from under
fascist strong arms
and authoritarian ties
and everything will turn out
alright
in the end

i’m hopeful
but not expectful
because i know how these “governments” work
and we are facing a long
long
long
long
long trek ahead
[even a flashy fast apocalypse
would be welcomed more
than this slow descending trend
towards the end]

but as much as i see each moment
as if it’ll be viewed in history
i do not have the foresight of the future
i cannot know exactly what direction we’re taking
until it’s already been
taken

so i’ll simply say this:

continue fighting
whether the end is in sight
or not — perhaps your words will inspire
the next artist
to write

and on and on we inspire
and write
and fight

until the light actually
comes blazing
through.

February 4, 2026

systems
flow
in and out
up and down
powerful
and powerless

and in the grand scheme of things
it can all seem like a game

[maybe that’s why gods are so often portrayed
as being so fickle
because they can’t feel the day to day
gravity
of reality
for each
individual
mortal]

[how was i blessed with the scope of an omniscient being
with the reality
of day to day
living
and suffering
surviving
and dying
and rather than putting my perspectives to good use
i am simply
ground to a
halt

frozen
in fear of
reality
and knowing
my own life and impact
is but a fraction
of nothing
in the grand scheme of the universe]

if only i
were a god

if only
there were
a god

February 3, 2026

seeing what i
do not want to see
and still seeing it
and still seeing it
and still
seeing
everything i’m trying to avoid
because i know
if i blind myself to all
bad
and suffering
and hardships
i’ll become
callous
and uncaring
and un-me

but there is a balance

there is a balance

there is always a way to live in compassion
but keep some compassion
for the self

[i just haven’t figured out my
own unique balance
yet]

February 1, 2026

it blows into february
the air of awful anticipation on its wing
the cold burning even colder
than january’s sting
at least there’s snow
from the first month’s storm
whitening the ground
providing [minimal] distraction
from second month’s
curse

January 31, 2026

two panic attacks
[or something like them]
in one month
after years of fair avoidance

i cannot tell if something is
going on
inside me

or if it simply the strain
of the external forces
of the world i cannot control
[but still affects us all]

or maybe
maybe
it’s the strain of january
of winter
when i can never see the light of spring
at the end of the proverbial
tunnel

just give me one crocus blossom
one sprig of green
not these mountains of slush-snow
and lows below zero overnight
i need something
something
something to keep me going

this has been the longest january i’ve seen
since wisconsin

January 30, 2026

what a crazy day
was today
was this morning;
waking up at 4
to get out the door before 5
to arrive deep into new jersey just after 6
so kip could be in delaware for a meeting by 8-ish
and i could get home
and get a nap
and be mildly ready for a day
at some point
just to have kip leave delaware at noon
be in a car then on a train around 2
and get back to me just before 3
to get home
take the dog out
and crash and burn
because
even with naps
and exercise
and relatively chill commutes,
the change in sleep schedule really really really
took it out of us
and we were dead to the world
by 6:30pm
[but didn’t want to go to bed
for fear of freaking out our bodies’ rhythms
a second evening in a row
so
just go to bed around 9
and be asleep by 10
and maybe the 6:00 alarm
will come in handy
on tomorrow’s saturday
morning