i had such hopes
and dreams
for august
and though it is not over
yet
i’m having those desolate feels
poem a day
August 25, 2023
the pull
of the iud string/
the cramps
from a new one entering,
do not hurt me.
but the crash of a mug that wasn’t mine to break;
or a tiny pebble stuck in my shoe
for each step, bothering, not stabbing;
or something sticky
and i can’t tell what;
or the tag of a shirt;
or an uncomfortable sitting position —
those all make tears
appear
in my eyes.
but actual pain?
worst pain of my life?
nah.
August 24, 2023
puppies
and cats
and kips
and me
and this house
already filled with memories
and at least one ghost
from the ’90’s
and spooky music
all year long
and that’s what makes a family
August 23, 2023
i suppose
a resolution
for this distraction
of über depression
would be a stronger distraction
than it
but what
but what
but what
could be stronger
than my stupid brain chemistry…?
August 22, 2023
windy mornings
cold cold ears
hood up
take a step
embrace the autumn
{spooky season approaches}
August 21, 2023
am i
getting back to
the regular?
am i
in a state
of consistency
again?
or do i still have
a crazy crazy week
ahead of me?
August 20, 2023
after a few days
of none morning pages
perhaps today will be a day
of one morning pages
August 19, 2023
where did these sads come from?
why do they appear
in the midst of what should be
a happy time?
how are they somehow
related
to that happy time?
like i can’t let myself
get swept up in the moment —
i need to remind myself
in every moment
of joy
that despair
and tragedy
exists.
like if i let go
of the depression
that runs everything,
the glue that holds my whole being
together
will loosen
and split
and i’ll fall
apart;
and i just want
to be
myself
[someday]
[someday]
August 18, 2023
sometimes
you just have to write
some nonsense
before the words
start to
make some sense
in your body
(in your brain)
August 17, 2023
maybe
i just need food
maybe
i just need water
maybe
i just need a nap
maybe
i just need a break
maybe
i just need to accomplish
all the things i have
on my forever to-do lists
before i can feel
accomplished
in life
and maybe
that’s impossible,
but still i’ll
probably
try
kipventures 