at least i
can somehow make my
direst terrible feelings
fly
into beautiful words
and verses of pure emotion
while i sit by
and feel it
feel it’s
overwhelming me
daily
but in a few days/weeks/months maybe
hopefully
i’ll look back and think of it as art
observing the world around me
in a more base-neutral moment
as opposed to rainbows and bright surprise
as opposed to muddy depression eyes
objects seem to have less meaning
when i don’t imbue them with special properties
or haunting kinds of memories
they just are
a sleight of hand
a quick picked lock
and i’m accessing portions of my mind
i never thought i’d find
enjoyment
calm
confidence
creation
i do wish i’d found it sooner
but i’m so happy to have found it
at all
hungry
for bagels
for love
for knowledge i’m doing ok
for coffee
for sleep
for puppy kisses and cat nudges
for jalapeño cream cheese
for reassurance that anything in my life
is going the way it
‘should’
for expression
for quiet
for loud
for everything
for nothing
for something
something
something
[damn near starving]
bat sweaters
with bat-like sleeves
an indication of the weather
a sign of the times
[they are spooky]
i keep expecting
creativity
and inspiration
and catharsis
and exhalation
and something big
out of this tragedy
but i seem to just be
sad
so many days
and yet, things are still the same
so much/
so whirlwind/
and yet, things are still the same
we’ll continue on with our daily tasks —
the chores that need to be done/
the bagels we eat every morning/
the minutes will continue to tick past/
and we’ll get back into patterns and routines and the mundane/
but things will never be the same
trying to remember
what happened in four days
that all blur together
but also seem dissonant
like opposite ends of the piano
keys plunking notes
irreverently
like the states we drove through
were whole countries
while we tried
to grapple
mentally
and physically
like
night
and day time
aren’t parts of one whole cycle —
the world is filled with dusks and dawns
and rain sometimes falls where there’s sunshine
and rainbows can welcome
you
home
it’s ok
if you have nothing to say
it’s ok
if you’re still processing
emotions/
cataclysms in your heart-mind
it’s ok
if you can’t quite cry yet
you will
you will
even
unable
to open her eyes
or speak specific words
she still twitched her mouth and hand
to let me know
she knew
i was there
and that is so much
comfort
kipventures 