it is kind of wild to me
that art in and of itself
is simply an invitation to
s t r e t c h
any truth we may want to share or inhabit
[any pureness for accuracy
may or may not be
entertaining/
good art anyway
so why not craft reality
to your individual
liking?]
ok
but
what was that
the joy
of performing
the high
of the show
of the adoration
of the whole crowd
screaming
yelling
cheering
for
me
[is that what i’ve been missing?]
should be excited
should be nervous
should be chittering and shaking and heart pounding and butterflies lining the walls of my stomach
but instead i’m numb
i’m accepting
i’m tired
i’m surviving
[what depression does]
sad children
receiving no candy
sad children
being bombed in Gaza
sad children
deserve nicer things
all children
deserve nicer
things
why do adults
ruin
everything
[do they not remember
the children they
once were?]
spooky Halloween day,
grey clouds blotting out the rising sun/
the apprehension as evening approaches
our last-minute costumes not quite done/
and the excitement to see children enjoying everything scary,
and friends visiting to help with vibes and such
i suppose this Halloween can still be awesome
[i’ve had doubts ever since last year’s COVID Halloween —
lonely, sickly, and distanced —
but it can be good again/
it can be good again]
everything hurts
everything hurts my heart
everything hurts
my heart
my
heart
approaching the end of this poem part of my day
and finding out
i still have so much to say
and i’ve not yet said it
even in 325 plus words
…nerds
[as an exclamation]
my eyes droop
heavy-lidded
with sleep not-yet forgotten
dreams hold me in their vice-grips
and i can’t escape
even what i can’t remember
i once asked someone what some part of my personality
meant in terms of the rest of me
and they stated, very plainly, that i don’t live in reality
(at least not when i can help it)
and i completely
agree
coffee-filled condensation
drips from the tentacle
of my one-of-a-kind
hand-made
oversized
coffee
mug
and i try to rescue it
bringing as much of the drop as i can
from side
to finger
to mouth
but there’s still condensation
from cold fridge
to warm house
dichotomies
exchanging
vibes
and i’m glad i don’t have to worry about coasters for this table
much
vibing with the music
hoping to have something to speak of
something of which to write
to spite
the depression coming quite
quite
quite
quickly
kipventures 