communication
through memes
when our own thoughts and feelings
are too
too
too much
poem a day
August 24, 2024
august slips in
unassuming
hot and lazy
and fading summer away
till the end when it startles us
with our first few colder mornings —
the days still heat up
but the air around us breeds
change
that we should have seen coming
August 23, 2024
i’ve been feeling the draw
to compose my own stories
worlds
universes
but that’s the extent to which
this emotion/inspiration has taken me
just the desire
not the inspiration
not the story
not the need
just
the vibe
[but i think i need a little more than
a vibe
to convince this maybehd brain
to actually
do it]
August 22, 2024
the panic had receded
slightly
right around the trip
[maybe it’s because
i was travel-stressed
so i had no room in me
for any other stressors]
[maybe it was just the magic
of a trip
of a visit
to people i love]
whatever it was, i even felt less
the stress
of coming back here — opportunities seemed
gettable
achievable
doable
and i felt like i could march right in
to anywhere
and at least ask for what i want with my life
but now that i’m back
the existential dread has set right back in —
i barely had a day and a half
before i was sad
and panic-ridden
and overwhelmed
and lonely
in this city of millions and millions and millions
and yet i love it here
and it is definitely home
and i ache for it when i leave
how do you do this, nyc?
August 21, 2024
the first sip of coffee
creates quite the placebo effect in me —
i know my genetics don’t react that much
to caffeine
nor could the actual waking effect
happen while the liquid
is still in my mouth, but damn
simply tasting
and swallowing
this delicious brown bean soup
kicks my awareness
into overdrive
and i actually feel
kinda awake and alive
for the first time
the first moment
in the day
August 20, 2024
picking fresh figs out of our home fig tree
happy to be home
happy to be home
drinking our tap water
that even after ten days stuck in the pipes
tastes better than the liquid calcium i had
all last week
happy to be home
happy to be home
being able to control the internal temperature
of a whole house,
hearing no upstairs neighbors,
eating fresh fresh bagels every morning,
the ability to travel
without driving and driving and driving,
just being around our own stuff
and spaces
and our animals
finally
sated
[the puppy even got to sleep in our bed with us
last night]
happy to be home
happy to be home
happy to be home
August 19, 2024
i didn’t take many photos on this trip
and i can’t tell if that was thought out
like ‘i want it to feel as though
this isn’t a special trip
it’s just like i still live here
still work here
still live and breathe this tiny bubble of a city’
or if it was a lucky happenstance
of ‘i’m having so much fun
catching up
being with these lovely people
once more, i didn’t even think of
taking a photo
to solidify this moment in time’
but either way
the few photos i have are special
but don’t have the people in them
i wish they had
but i still have the memories
of all the time i spent with
everyone
and i miss them all already
August 18, 2024
writing my feelings away
while trying not to feel them
will never work,
but i have to drive hours and hours and hours today
maybe even through the rain
and it’ll be dangerous to do that with
tears in my eyes as well,
so i’ll try to express what i can express
and leave the true unpacking and analyzing
and feeling
for another day.
August 17, 2024
it’s the morning
of the last full day
of our trip
and i can’t help but
feel some sort of way
August 16, 2024
pretend
for a moment
you don’t know where you came from
or to what you’re going
or even any established rules
about your own identity
or the world at large and little
and you go to craft a poem —
would you know what words to use
would you innately be aware of rules and parameters
poetry has to work around and within
or would you just write what was in your soul
even if the words in your soul had no words at all?
and would that still be poetry?
[i think so]
kipventures 