i keep having ideas for poems
and then leaning away from them
i think i’d like to hibernate
until spring comes
but what if spring
and summer
and early fall
all continue like this—
terrible news
no end to covid in sight
[though people try as they might
to ignore all the facts and findings]
death
and destruction
and feeling hopeless and helpless to stop it
unrelenting
unrelenting
i feel like i need a hibernation
until my next
life
i wear my clothes until they have holes
and then i wear them
longer
i wear my socks until they’re so overstretched
they barely fit
and then they’re pajama socks
i wear fashions
from years and years and years passed
bought past the date they were ever in vogue
and i definitely
definitely
definitely
repeat outfits
if i need new clothing
or something exciting
added to my wardrobe
i thrift it
and i refuse to give money
to the worst of fast fashion
even second hand
[i haven’t always been this adamant,
but as i’ve learned
of the pollution and the human working conditions
and the greenhouse gas emissions
and everything just for a cheap pair of pants
that will disintegrate the third time you wash them,
it just makes sense
to do what i can
to repeal my demand
from their ever-rising supply]
is my time blindness
not in the day
but within years?
now that’s what i call
maybeHD
for someone who doesn’t really like the color orange
i’ve sure bought a lot of
russet things recently
also, did i write better poetry
when i wasn’t so sad
and frustrated
literally
all of the
time?
i don’t always know
what i want to say
but i know when i’m not saying it
it still feels like the future
whenever i see the year
starting with a two
rather than a one
and it simply feels
unreal
to not have double zeros
between the first and last digit
i wonder if my brain will ever let go
of this harsh divide
between old millennium=safe
and new millennium=completely unknown
i wish i knew
exactly what my body needs.
like, is it consistent sleep?
[if it is, then why won’t it let me rest?]
is it a full, balanced meal?
[if it is, why do i get nauseous half the time
looking at food that isn’t a
comfort?]
is it socialization
and people and
connecting?
[if it is, why must my nervous system
react so poorly whenever i’m around
anyone anyone anyone?]
is it something new that i haven’t even thought of yet?
[if it is, why am i so scared to do
anything?]
i don’t know what i’m doing
and yet
i keep doing it
yesterday i got the shot
yes
that shot
and the other one
and i continued to feel it
feel it
feel it
for so long
i thought discomfort and suffering
had become part of my personality
but as the vaccine reaction faded
and even though i still have a busted rib
and a busted calf for some reason
i’m not nearly as
hopeless
as i was
even earlier
today
kipventures 