jazz
big
full
jazz
sweet
funky
jazz
reminds me of nola
reminds me of halloween
reminds me of the 1920’s
reminds me of phryne fisher
reminds me of a time and a place and a storyline
when, maybe, i’d have wanted to be alive
poem a day
November 2, 2024
one day of national novel writing month
down
and only twenty nine to go
every year i wonder
why i do this to myself
and every year
the emotions stagger and flow
and i feel accomplished
but what in the world do i do
after this?
November 1, 2024
we may have voted
on halloween
and experienced an unseasonably warm day
and while november 1st looks like
it’ll be just as warm
later,
the air is perfectly spooky this morning
complete with ominous winds
ever so slightly brightening
early early sky,
and crows calling
into the crisp fall air
and i’m almost happy
it’s this time of year
again
still
October 31, 2024
i want to write about halloween
and spooky times
and how much i love
this time of year
but i’ve been dealing with deep dark fears
of genocide
and our complicity in it
and how that makes political fallout
even more extreme
and i just want a candidate i can believe in
or a system i truly think is working
but instead we’ve got
this
[whatever this is
in terms of an american experiment
that probably shouldn’t have been tried
and we should have just left this land
and its people
alone…]
but i’m here
this is a fact
and there’s an ethnic cleansing happening half a world away
that i can see as i scroll in my own warm bed
another fact
and the choice between two candidates
two sides
of the same coin
still factual
and yet
one would bring about fascism
much
much
much
faster
[he has stated this in his plans all along — facts]
so i’m actually
for real
scared
afraid
for my life and liberty
and no, i’m not overreacting
[my favorite time of year
has been ruined by election anxiety
and i can’t even feel that affronted
because so much worse things are happening
all over
everywhere]
so please
vote
October 30, 2024
away from the physical activity
that brings me joy
that saved my life
in more ways than i probably even know
prevented
by pandemic
by fear
by perfectionism
by injury
by overuse
by depression
and i just can’t seem to catch a break
though i’m trying so hard
to take a break
take a break
take a break
so i can get back to it
maybe
again
with the love
and passion
and joy
that i once found
October 29, 2024
i feel bad
for the super creepy spiders
who show up in our house
because i’m so terrified
i just can’t abide
merely having them around
but they didn’t do anything
other than exist in the space i decided
to call my home
it becomes the question of
whether my comfort indicates
another creature’s right to exist
is null and void…
how did we get to a place
that this is happening
all over the planet
with people against people
[and how much of that phobia
is simply manufactured
through hate]
October 28, 2024
rib
out of place
again???
how am i supposed to do
anything
when i’m constantly scared
of fucking up
my whole side
by simply wrapping myself up
in ways i have already done
countless times in the past?
how am i supposed to do
anything
when my body doesn’t even know
how it is supposed to be
aligned?
how am i supposed to do
anything
when i never know
if this pain is bad
or simply residual
recovery
pain?
[pain is my sole indicator
that something is wrong,
but i never ever know
if the pain is a warning
a crisis
or simply part of being…]
October 27, 2024
halloween nails
and a halloween sweatshirt
and a spooky rib
that keeps moving out of place
on its own
like it’s haunted
i think i’m already ready
for thursday
October 26, 2024
a dream
of mine
is to coax a cat inside —
any one of our outdoor cats
whom i feed daily
and try to get them used to me
by standing
and waving
and saying
“i love you”
every time they so much as glance at me
and yesterday
i did it!
[but now we have to deal with an un-neutered male cat
with potential fleas…
but at least i have a friend who works with felines like this
and can help with all the
meds
and fostering
and surgeries
10 out of 10 friendship]
October 25, 2024
for the past few days
i’ve been looking more forward
to the winter holidays
than halloween
and i don’t know what that makes me
except maybe
just wanting
to feel
cozy