poem a day

June 14, 2026

/ HJ / Leave a comment

i feel like i’m coasting
sliding around in
almost-depression-land
and i can’t tell what’s
keeping me relatively afloat —
is it having theatre again?
is it my kip? my cat? my dog?
is it my brain chemistry/hormone levels finally calming and settling?
is it the summer heat?
or the summer sunlight?
is it the medication whose only job is to keep the depression from overtaking me?
is it some combination of all of these?

but it’s so strange to feel
the slippery sliding that usually means
an approach to a worse and worse time
but then feeling overall mildly okay

June 13, 2026

/ HJ / Leave a comment

a whole ass essay
in poem-form
that’s how i carve out what i’m thinking
what my soul has been saying
in non-words for decades
and i still don’t think the language is all there
nor the concepts fully categorized
but each poem is a start
an opening door to somewhere
or someone
with maybe a little more
understanding

[but only if i share it]

June 10, 2026

/ HJ / Leave a comment

no sleep
no life outside of theatre
breaking out all over my face
insomnia
all day every day inside a dark black box
sitting
then running around
then sitting again
no lights then bright lights
quiet
and too much sound
the senses are jarred awake
in jarring
but lovely ways

i still don’t know who i am half the time
nor how i fit in to society/how others perceive me
but at least i generally feel at home in the theatre

[even with everything it brings
damn
do i feel at home in a theatre]

June 9, 2026

/ HJ / Leave a comment

nothing
is for certain

everything
is random

but some things have a logic to them
that can be predicted —

success and family wealth
diet and exercise and general future health
queerness and hairstyle
etc.
etc.
etc.

predicted
but not for certain

because nothing
nothing
nothing
is for certain

[didn’t you read the beginning of this poem?]

June 8, 2026

/ HJ / Leave a comment

our yard is so green
and the spring and summer are battling each other
for who gains control
every day
and i’m spending a majority of my time
in a tiny
dark
theater

and yet, i rarely feel more like myself
than when trapped
in tiny
dark
theaters
all day long

June 7, 2026

/ HJ / Leave a comment

i forgot
i forgot
i forgot how much time
theatre takes

not that i’m mad about it
[it does occupy my mind
in a way little else does]
but
i forgot that it takes me away
from my favorite kip
my favorite spouse
and i don’t enjoy them
feeling
abandoned

at least we can laugh about it

[and someday i’ll get to be home
for longer than
the time it takes
to sleep and wake up and have breakfast and leave]

June 5, 2026

/ HJ / Leave a comment

doing twenty million things at once

i honestly don’t know if it’s good for me
or terrible
or i’m terrible at it
or even kinda ok to maybe good

but i can tell it’s kinda my default
[like chaos]
and maybe i should just find ways
to encourage what works
and have failsafes
for what
doesn’t

June 4, 2026

/ HJ / Leave a comment

why
why
why must i keep waking up
in the 5:00 hour
when i don’t actually need to be getting out of bed
until 7am?

is it the sunlight? is it the stress? is it my body craving more time in the day?
is it the heat? is it the animals? is it my to-do list screaming me awake?
is it dehydration? overhydration? is it the caffeine coursing through my veins?

how much how much how much is my body in charge
vs. the external situation(s)
vs. me