i didn’t think that
being on a stage
would make me emotional
(and to be fair,
it didn’t make me
cry
or
giggle
or elate
or spiritualize
or anything like that)
but seeing
rows
upon rows
of seats
(though empty)
from center stage
brought me a sense of
calmness
that i haven’t felt in
literal
years.
poem a day
November 23, 2021
getting up
doing things
talking about
doing…
(
do i still
do
the way i
did
the way i wish
i
did
[in my mind]?
)
November 22, 2021 (part two)
more driving
more music
more memories
more food
more family
[more time?]
(((…less internet)))
November 22, 2021
the joyful teasing
the conviviality of being around each other
the discussing
planning
problem-solving
the sharing, watching, playing
the family.
~~~
observation;
my downfall
[/upfall?]
~~~
can i
just
be good at acting
[on my own]
without needing such guidance
to stop overthinking?
[please???]
November 21, 2021 (part two)
the difference
between
these two families
(i think/i observe)
is the feeling of being happy just chilling around each other
vs.
the need to be on/entertain/give 100% attention
(and i wonder why i never really parallel played as a child)
November 21, 2021
i always forget
before leaving on any sort of
vacation
just how much i will
miss
new york city.
~~~
what to do
what to say
what to write
what, today?
~~~
is sleeping
in one’s
childhood bed
truly as relaxing
as it seems?
(i’ll check in after another day or so
to inform of my personal findings)
November 20, 2021 (Part Two)
is the not knowing
whether or not
[family time]
will be a thing
this year
worse
than just not having it
at all
last year?
[yes.]
November 20, 2021
Trans Day of Remembrance
another bloody year
another bloodiest year
i don’t know if i’ll be able to observe
being in the car
for upwards of 8 hours
throughout the entire day
today
but i’ll ponder
i’ll think
i’ll contemplate
i’ll mull
i’ll meditate
on how truly free
we truly are
not.
November 19, 2021
observing
the foster dog
trying to figure out
what she’s thinking
what she’s trying to do
with her nose on the blanket
why she growls at the cat
(is it antagonistic
or trying to get some four-legged creature
in this house
to play?)
i hope
she hears
when we say
“good dog!”
i hope
she understands
when we look at her with love
(i hope
it helps
when i point to where i’m going
so as to not startle her
or make her feel like she’s being cornered)
but mostly
i just want such good things
for this dog
November 18, 2021
the stress
and hassle
of planning for a family visit
is made all the more complex
in this time of COVID.
we [the family] are all vaccinated,
but half of us work
(or have worked)
in healthcare
so we know,
we know.
so is it worth
the 8+ hour drive
with dog?
is it worth traveling
(however carefully)
through some places with
less than stellar rates?
is it worth
even going
if we have a cold?
(every illness now is
a moment of pause
even if we know it isn’t
a coronavirus)
and with the family
not all that enthused anyway
should we again,
like last year
say next year?
[next year]
[next year]
kipventures 