December 18, 2021

je n’aime pas
le
shouting out into the ether
le
feeling like i’m one amongst a billion strangers

how have i never felt like i ‘found my community’
online?

[how had i never felt like i ‘found my community’
until last month?]

~~~

my brain
seems too be flowing
un-predictably
today.

~~~

early risers
may get the most done
earlier
but they may miss out on
important announcements
from the night owls

(unless…
unless
those night owls
make the announcements
the night before
the thing…)

December 15, 2021

what to write about
what to ponder about
what to mull and meander in the mind?

~~~

[but] do i have a poem
to put
on my site
of poetries?
one from the beginning of todays’ mullings?
one from a day gone by?
no ideea…

what poems are
‘meant’
to come up
to blossom out
to emerge into fruition
full, tangible, edible fruit
of the creatively-writing tree
round your lips around them
digest them
feel them in your heart

but which
ones?

~~~

three short poems?
is that enough to quiet my inner capitalist
constantly telling me i’m not enough
unless i
produce
produce
produce?

rest is a thing
it’s a damn revelation
in a society that only supports
working oneself to the bone
burning the candle at both ends
living fast and
whooshing out

(and/but why the sudden need
desire
pull
to consume as well?
why do i just want to be looking at
vintage trousers
on etsy
and buying more gifts
for my spouse?

…’tis the season?)

December 14, 2021

Kip asked me yesterday if i ever missed
Brooklyn

and i said i missed some things,
some people,

i miss Carlos and Jacob and the other babies who would
squeal
with fright/delight as they pet the giant teddy bear
that is Louka.

i miss the unofficial mayor of Flatbush (Joy),
and Mike
and about
half
the people in our building
(not that we dislike the other half,
we just never really met them).

i miss all the vegetarian food places;
El Barrio Burritos,
Zen Vegetarian Chinese food,
and the veggie option at Silver Rice,
and that food-truck that stood at the street-corner near the Q
waiting for me to try one of the falafels
(but i never did…)

i miss the woman selling wares and jewelry and incense from her van
every day
(though we still have plenty of Egyptian Musk to get us through)

and i do miss the vibrancy of
Prospect Park
right next door.

but

here

we have new neighbors to get to know,
new food places to explore
(though i am still in search of good plant-based options),
new parks to meander around,
a backyard,
a road Louka isn’t afraid to walk near,
and the best bagels we’ve had in New York
so…i’m pretty sure we’re winning.

(plus, our old home is simply a train ride
or two
away!)

December 13, 2021

cover up
distract
work through

exercise
fight it
meditate

wait it out
wait it out
wait it out

i know one of these will work
but damn this depression
(like all others before
and all others yet to come)
has me feeling like

Truly
This Time
Nothing
Will Ever
Work.

December 12, 2021

apparently
it doesn’t fully feel like
‘the holidays’
until there’s some Trans-Siberian Orchestra
blasting out of my
tiny laptop
speakers.

~~~

all my ideas
fled my mind
the moment i sat down
to write

~~~

coffee
coffee
spread through me
awaken my speed,
my creativity,
my me

December 10, 2021

the thumps from the upstairs,
the slow zombie marching band
i.e.
my spouse’s fidgeting.
no sounds from the house settling
(it’s old; it probably settled long ago)
but instead from our family,
into this house,
settling.