a grey morning
but warmer than it’s been
and still no snow
thank you(?) global warming
a grey morning
but warmer than it’s been
and still no snow
thank you(?) global warming
i know
i’m not,
but i feel like i’d call myself
a human disaster.
i was going to compare it
to my perfectionistic tendencies,
but i think they are tightly interwoven;
like
if i wasn’t a perfectionist
i wouldn’t be assessing myself
in the ‘disaster’ arena—
i’d just let me be me.
acting
theatre
the arts
they are art
but they are also my job
and so i view them as such
otherwise
i get too overwhelmed
i get too anxious over everything
so if i treat them as a career
a necessity
an activity i’ve done so much i could probably do it in my sleep
they don’t hold power over me
and then i can do them
better
people
are so cute
when they know each other
and are friends
i am in a mood where
sitting still by a blank document
one arm on the table/laptop/keyboard
one in my lap
no movement
just thought
is far more comforting
(and possibly productive)
than churning out poem after poem
~~~
and yet i will write
because that is what i do
and that seems to be my calling
(at least as of late)
and sometimes one needs to have a moment of stillness
before capturing that stillness in art
(if we just try to capture it without fully feeling it
that art is meaningless
wouldn’t you agree?)
~~~
the droopy eyelids
hover over my eyes
laden with sleep
and a few days of tech week
and i am contemplating writing
contemplating huddling back under the sheets
contemplating at least a few moments of peace
before the craziness of today begins
writing in bed
is interesting
especially when we’ve established
so many constant things
about writing at the table
downstairs//
but this morning
i think we both needed
something
either a right away poetry day (me)
or a change of space/place/and pace (kip)
or
simply a nicer/slower start to the morning (both of us)
but it now
doesn’t really feel like
morning any more
poetry-ing
from the midst of a theatre
audience left
stage right
home
for so many years
conceptually
this place
specifically
home
for the next week
[or so]
when i write
i write at a table
but i don’t use the table
(except to hold my morning coffee)
i slide down in my chair
and lift my legs to the other across
and lay my laptop across my lap
cross one foot over the other
and write until my legs or butt falls asleep
or until my terrible posture hurts my back
or until my arms start to get sore
from low-key holding my laptop on my criss-crossed lap
and somehow this works for me
though i can’t help but imagine
a me
where i sit properly
feet fully reaching the floor
posture great
writing without pain sneaking its way in
and wonder if
i’d write
better
longer
if i sat like
a regular person
~~~
the cat gallops upstairs
chasing invisible ghosts
and singing the song of her kin
and at least she can amuse herself like this
for hours on end
while we break our evening’s fast with coffee and poetry and song
the cat’s harmony never quite fitting with whatever we play
but that’s why we love it (and her) so
~~~
i would like to write a letter to my grandmama some time today
because she constantly writes me lovely greetings
‘how are you’s’ and ‘here’s been my day’
and i love them so much.
and i’ve told her,
but i know the reciprocal is just as loved as the appreciation
and she literally said she wonders how we’re doing
so i suppose that’s what is on my agenda
(other than circus)
today
sappy poems
for new york city bakeries
of a spouse still sitting at home without me
because they’re so good at caring for our
little broken puppy
and i’m off playing as an artiste
the way i’d hoped to be
i hate seeing our puppy
in pain
and distress
but it’s almost sadder to see her
happy
and jovial
and so very puppy-like
when we know we can’t let her
act on that energy
for another full month
lest she break something else
my goodness
this puppy