June 25, 2023

started three different poems
and the scheme has led me
to perfect rhymes every time
(whether i’ve chosen to write down that path
is another story entirely)
and i feel like
rhyming poetry
is no longer
my own
it is taken over
by expectation
and rules
and it’s no longer my own
it’s no longer my own
(but is a poem
ever
anything to own?)

June 24, 2023

sometimes i write extraordinarily dark poetry
and i kind of forget
once it’s out of me
how it could be read
interpreted
ingested and understood
by others

i’m just here getting my best and worst feels
out into the void

apologies to the void
for having to ever
absorb
this profound pain

June 23, 2023

hungry
worried
early
morning
mundane and
not so mundane

worried
so worried
still hungry

~~~

calm morning
of stress

wanting
less

of the drama that comes from
this little broken puppy pup

but still
we’d rather
have her
all torn ligaments
and fractured bones
and menacing hassles

than not

~~~

it’s so strange to hear
simple
calm
piano
in the morning

i’m used to
acid jazz
and electronic house
and more chaotic sounds

to wake up to

but the calm simplicity
seems to be helping me
find more in my poetry

(and harmonizes well with a sighing puppy)

June 22, 2023

i sit here
at my keyboard
wishing to hold the solstice
in higher regard
wanting a celebration
a consistent practice
an honoring of some kind

and i know,
i know,
that i have the ability to do so–
i have the calendar
and adult wherewithal
and resources
to make this happen–
but i feel trapped
by the depression
that anticipates
the worst
of time flowing by
instead of celebrating
our earth still turning
my lungs still breathing
our days still day-ing
until they
no longer
do

June 21, 2023

how long
can i hate myself
and come out the other side
to love

it has to be a flat circle
like time
no?

~~~

weird ass songs
fill my
weird ass heart
with
weird ass vibes
of
weird ass love

(hahaha, ass-love)

~~~

i feel as though my poetry
is getting less and less
hinged

i.e.

more and more
and more and more and more
unhinged
as the words/years/time flies by

but maybe i was always this unhinged
it just took a little while
to write

June 20, 2023

stuck behind a computer keyboard
when i simply wish i could hook up some sort of cord
to my brain and let it leak poetry
more real/raw/strange/
honesty
might not consistently be
but it’s consistently
me

June 19, 2023

Juneteenth
another day presented
as a celebration
for the rest/
of all of us/
to be free

but was that really what it was meant to be?

it was rebellious states’
slaves
sent on their merry way
(still sans any mule
much less forty whole acres
of stolen land)

but what about border states/
other divided propriety/
when did they
let go
of their ‘human property’

the amendment
that’s the one
that’s the final
say it and done

nope

you know better

you know slavery just got a different name

they called it “policing”

they call it “prison labor”

it’s there in black and white
in the language of the amendment itself
no abolition of slavery
could be 100% savory
in this united states of indecency
and stolen everything/everybody/every body

so let’s observe Juneteenth
not as a day of everyone’s celebration
(no matter what that one banner in that once city implies)
but as our day of learning
repairing
and not
not
not
repeating
the mistakes
of our
[not so far back]
past
ancestors.

June 18, 2023

my fingers want to be busy
without input from my brain
for my mind has been doing too much time
in repetitious actions
circling points
but never quite making it to center
and my hands could do the same
but forward action
seems to actually be measurable
in physical space

and the mind is an ugly place
to obsess
about others’
imperfections

June 17, 2023

the sin of being me
is punishable
through inside and outside means

and my brain can only get so far
in forgiveness
when it’s constantly fighting against itself

and my body seems to cling to living
as it falls apart
and resolves towards innumerable lifetimes

and my soul only ever seems to
chill inside/beside
all this angst going on around and around and around

but the dark part of me
[brain?]
[heart?]
[body?]
[other?]
it keeps reminding me
that i am punishable
i should be punished
through some means

hold my beer
i’ll do it
myself

[‘if you want something done right,’
right?]

June 16, 2023

do you ever feel like
you just want to slough off your old skin
your old life
your old entire being
and start anew
in a new body
with a new brain
in a new situation
perhaps a whole new universe/
dimension/
something/
anything
i just feel
antsy
in this life
sometimes
(maybe that’s why
i am drawn towards
acting
reading
writing
the things we do
to imagine whole other lives
anew)