April 3, 2026

the internet is absolutely packed
with everything

with hatred and inspiration and foolishness and memes
and i saw
once
a piece of advice that said
[approximately]
<>

and i think about that
from time to time

because we never know what we’ll end up being
to someone else

and, though i can’t imagine my writing
being someone’s absolute favorite, i can see it
impacting
in a way i didn’t imagine

and for that reason

i suppose

i’ll keep going.

April 2, 2026

kip made a haunted song
and a cursed song

and they both seem to be
too cursed
too haunted
for kip’s code to work normally

[it is a sad thing to see, but interesting, that the songs made
exactly for me and my tastes
are just so haunted and cursed
they break
code]

April 1, 2026

a moment
with a stray cat
yelling at me as i looked past the spot
i usually check
for cats

a moment
with a hawk
screeching over my head
and actually seeing it
soar
away

a moment
with all the birds
who eat the cat food we put out for the strays,
the starlings and mockingbirds and robins and wrens and blue jays
[would they all actually eat the bird food
if we put up a bird feeder, or is purina
always going to be their
meal of choice?]

a moment
with our silly dog
whining at all the other
canines walking past

a moment
with squirrels
with skunks
with raccoons and possums at night
with rats along the indoor subway line
and the pigeons flocking outside

i cannot express what it means
to me
to have all these animals around us
and
get to take advantage of living inside the city

the bronx is truly a beautiful place

March 31, 2026

i am visibly queer
i am visibly queer
sometimes i wish i was more
visibly trans
but other folks have their ideas
of what nonbinary-ness “should” look like
and, while androgyny is fun for some occasions
and wardrobe vestments
i think it leaves something to be desired
[i.e. imagination]
to have the only way to be
not taken in by either gender
is to cultivate a look that is “in between”
[but more often masculine, because that’s the
“default” in a patriarchal society, and i’m not playing out my gender
to play into society, i’m outing myself as a way to
get my way
the fuck
out
of
society]

[but i digress]

i am visibly queer
to allow other trans and queer folks
to see me
and know they’re
not alone

i’m visibly queer
because it makes me feel
the most at home
in my own skin
and my own identity

i’m visibly queer
also as a form of
solidarity
to those friends around me
who cannot turn off
or cover up
the melanin in their skin
or the angle of their eyes
or the accent with which they speak
or even my fellow trans folks who could not sit silently
in uncomfortable skin, so then
spent years making their own gender expression
just for some ass to say they don’t “pass” the way
that one person expects them to…

i cannot sit by while my compatriots in this fight against hate
have no ability to run away from or hide or go stealth inside
the exact parts of themselves that others
would attack them for

so why should i hide my own
queerness?

i need to stand tall
in my weird fashion and buzzed sides and rainbow hair
and loud loud queerness echoing from inside
this is me and i represent me
and i represent all who can’t or don’t feel safe being as visibly themselves
as i can be

and i can be

so i am

i am visibly queer
because i can be

i am visibly queer
because i am

and that is all that matters.

the end.

March 30, 2026

the head
aches
the legs
stiffen
the neck
creaks
and cracks
and then
the lungs lengthen

the sinuses stuff
and the eyes water
and all i want to do is be outside
and all my allergies want me to do
is stay inside a bubble forever
[or at least for the length of spring]

but it’s my favorite season

how dare how dare how dare

March 29, 2026

i keep so many things
stuck
huddled up
on the outside

hidden
on my sleeve

i think part of this reprieve
helps everyone but me

[how do i know what’s going on
in my own mind
if i can never find
the emotions and thoughts there?]

or

or

or

am i so disconnected
[head to heart to body]
that it seems like everything is external to me?

and if somehow
some way
i could simply connect
myself
to myself
i might see
all the emotions and thoughts
i thought i had hidden away
externally

they’ve all been part of me
this
whole
damn
time

[maybe]

March 28, 2026

i say gay
in relation to everything
not in the way i grew up with it
as a synonym for “stupid” for “gross” for “bad”
but as a loving reaction
meaning
“awww!”
meaning
“love”
meaning
“i’m part of this in group and i adore it so much”
meaning
“odd and weird, and i am so proud of being odd and weird myself”
meaning
“yep, that’s true”
meaning
“well, now it’s almost mundane,
but that’s better than it ever was
in early 2000’s high school name-calling”
meaning
“i’ve embraced it so much, we’ve come out the other side
and once again, we’re calling everything
gay
but with rainbows and goodness and love this time!”

March 27, 2026

or needn’t poetry have a point?

we’re all just bumbling through
in these systems we’ve created

everything is made up
and maybe
that’s why i create

[because i’m not allowed to make whole new systems
so i make words fit my needs
rather than
the other way around]

[or something]

March 26, 2026

how do any of us ride out this life?

there’s so much we could do
so much we do
so much i’ve done
but i constantly feel like
i’ve missed the boat on
so many things
everything

i don’t know how to get everything out of life
that i want to get out of it
so i’m just kinda
enjoying the ride at this point
admitting this isn’t how i thought it would go
but my adventures have been so
adventurous
and i do
love that

[maybe that is how you live life]