so tired
so sleepy
so nervous
so alive
performer's life
June 27, 2025
i’m standing at a precipice
a precipice of my own making
and i think i’m
excited
November 3, 2023
ok
but
what was that
the joy
of performing
the high
of the show
of the adoration
of the whole crowd
screaming
yelling
cheering
for
me
[is that what i’ve been missing?]
July 22, 2023
the nerves
of all this past week
seem to melt away like butter
the morning of the show
just because
i’m so tired
and achey
and sleepy
and in pain
that i don’t even have the capacity
to feel much
of anything else
…hooray?
December 24, 2022
find sure footing
feel no floating
establish boundaries
no barriers
to your creativity
with only words
~~~
i did it
i performed
and this poem would be so much better
if i’d written it that
(or the next)
day
but i have to say
the feelings
of musical theatre magics
are starting to sneak up on me
again
(and i’m really unsure
how i feel about
that)
~~~
staying up
until midnight
to give the pup
the pill she needs
to not be in pain
all night long
but for me
for my mind
i probably should have been asleep hours ago…
July 31, 2022
audiences
are integral
to a performance
i wish it wasn’t so,
but it sure is.
so, if the audience’s energy
is lively,
is loving the show,
is literally having the time of their life–
the performer(s) will, too.
one hundred percent.
i usually tell new performers
(especially in circus)
to enjoy themselves on their apparatus–
the audience will respond to that enjoyment
and enjoy themselves,
and that energy from the audience
will encourage the performer,
who will send their energy back to the audience,
for a kind of reciprocal feedback loop
of joy.
but i often neglect
(on purpose)
the very real instances
of audiences being super low energy:
not responding to any energy from the performer(s);
or being weird:
responding in unexpected ways
that throws the performer’s energy off–
because you have to be a well-seasoned performer
to pick that kind of energy out
consciously
(but even novices will be able to tell
that something
is simply
‘off’)
June 12, 2022
show went fine
(maybe even great)
and now i get to stress about
a whole new performance
in a month
(why am i like this?)
June 11, 2022
puppies
playing
in the morning
the joy
it brings
me
gnaw on that rope!
chase that bouncy kong!
harass that hasslecat!
(the world is your dog park)
~~~
commotion:
the morning;
the coffee.
~~~
the promoting
of shows
always
stresses me
the buttz
out
(
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/aerial-arts-nyc-iaw-showcase-tickets-358998302587
if you want to zoom
in
)
June 10, 2022
i suppose the reason
i’m so damn nervous
about this upcoming performance
is because it’s the only one.
i can overthink
and over prepare
and over-wrack my nerves
because i’m not at the point
yet
where performing is just
my way of life
(it doesn’t help
that this is the first live one
since before the pandemic,
so the pressure
mounts
immeasurably)