September 17, 2026

i wish i could bottle certain feelings
and uncork and inhale them when needed

last night i had a moment of utter bliss
looking around, watching adults and artists
puppeteering giant buffalo around a warehouse in brooklyn
everyone concentrating
everyone knowing
it’s an illusion but also a very real spirit
that makes this whole herd work

it’s art and community and hope and strength
and imagination and wisdom and belief
and i damn near cried because i couldn’t believe
this is real life
this is better than i could have imagined
my time on earth
would be spent

helping native persons
helping the earth

with art and performance and everything i have ever wanted to do

i suppose i’m inhaling that bottled sense again this morning
writing about it
trying to express with words what words cannot express
but can, perhaps, capture a sample
or imitate for future use

for when i feel lost

for when i feel depressed

for when i have no hope

i can remember one hundred and sixty? seventy? eighty? people
some inside a puppet
some outside observers
learners
like me
all with one goal in mind: create conversation
for the betterment of everyone on this planet
every person, human and non-human,
and doing it with
art

art that took teams and teams to imagine and map out
and build and construct
and put final touches on
and doctor and make better
and teams to map out routes and talk with other groups
and performers and city officials and advertise so more people
will see and continue a conversation we are creating
we, this team, all voluntary, all wanting to bring to life
this art, this stampede, this dream,
this imagining

this honoring

i hope those who see from the outside tomorrow and saturday
see what i saw yesterday
feel what i felt yesterday

that it’s amazing to be
here
now

with people
with buffalo
with hope
with art
with life

let us let the earth continue to provide this magic

let us help the earth

let us help the magic

August 15, 2026

i want to sing
and create my own music
and learn to speak french
and act in everything
and read audiobooks
and write my own
and sew
and embroider
and create my own clothes
and have my own youtube series
and cosplay
and learn how to calm down my perfectionism
and perform on a broadway stage
and continue to circus like my life depends on it
and i feel like i have not enough time in one life to do it all
but i know other people who do
so maybe i can do
at least some things
if i start
and continue
and really really really try

October 17, 2025

damn
this performance just
snuck
right
up

i suppose it makes sense
what with
everything
else
going
on

but

i get to perform

i get to back-up dance

i get to watch my friends perform

and i get to co-host

[which is technically not an entirely new thing
for me, but the last time it happened was like
over ten years ago now, and i have almost no
memory of it, so it feels brand spanking new]

if you are near purchase, new york, why not stop on by
[tickets are free!]

https://www.ticketleap.events/tickets/queeryus/out-and-proud-a-ndod-celebration

July 22, 2023

the nerves
of all this past week
seem to melt away like butter
the morning of the show
just because
i’m so tired
and achey
and sleepy
and in pain
that i don’t even have the capacity
to feel much
of anything else

…hooray?

July 31, 2022

audiences
are integral
to a performance

i wish it wasn’t so,
but it sure is.

so, if the audience’s energy
is lively,
is loving the show,
is literally having the time of their life–
the performer(s) will, too.
one hundred percent.

i usually tell new performers
(especially in circus)
to enjoy themselves on their apparatus–
the audience will respond to that enjoyment
and enjoy themselves,
and that energy from the audience
will encourage the performer,
who will send their energy back to the audience,
for a kind of reciprocal feedback loop
of joy.

but i often neglect
(on purpose)
the very real instances
of audiences being super low energy:
not responding to any energy from the performer(s);
or being weird:
responding in unexpected ways
that throws the performer’s energy off–
because you have to be a well-seasoned performer
to pick that kind of energy out
consciously
(but even novices will be able to tell
that something
is simply
‘off’)