the day after a show
but so much happened
on top of it
a meeting
a surgery
an emergency allergy reaction
[not mine tho]
and i can hardly revel in the feeling of the show
[or
even berate myself for
not promoting it
more]
except for the moment
i stayed in the moment
afterwards
talking
with the lovely lovely people involved
i think they’re all so rad
and i’m so glad
i got to tell them so
damn
this performance just
snuck
right
up
i suppose it makes sense
what with
everything
else
going
on
but
i get to perform
i get to back-up dance
i get to watch my friends perform
and i get to co-host
[which is technically not an entirely new thing
for me, but the last time it happened was like
over ten years ago now, and i have almost no
memory of it, so it feels brand spanking new]
if you are near purchase, new york, why not stop on by
[tickets are free!]
https://www.ticketleap.events/tickets/queeryus/out-and-proud-a-ndod-celebration
performing
anxiety
anticipation
excitement
fear
hope
acting
for better or worse
it was my first training
it was my most training
it is the time that i feel the most myself
on stage
even with the
anxiety
and fear
there is always still
anticipation
to excitement
to hope
[if you’ll be in nyc
tomorrow, may 17th,
come on out!]
is it true?
that hearts synchronize in beat beat beating rhythms
when sitting in an audience
of a performance
i agree —
i want so badly to believe —
and it probably comes from some sort of truth
[there’s that study of church vs live musical performance
and how they give the same
spiritually
significant
feeling]
and i know my heart’s emotions
synchronized with those around me:
gripping our chests
because we couldn’t reach deep
and hold our own hearts,
murmurs of agreement
of sorrow
of unthinkable pain and loss and struggles to keep humanity,
and humming catchy tunes as they remained stuck after the applause had ended,
and feeling as though the whole space —
performers
audience members
volunteers
everyone —
had hugged me and held me
as i
as we
listened to damn near unbearable story after unbearable story after unbearable story…
but we bore it,
and we were witnesses to it,
all
for the synchronization
of our
beating
hearts
the nerves
of all this past week
seem to melt away like butter
the morning of the show
just because
i’m so tired
and achey
and sleepy
and in pain
that i don’t even have the capacity
to feel much
of anything else
…hooray?
a dreary
rainy
new year’s eve
no big celebration
but maybe that’s what we need
to look at the past
and get excited for the future
and chill in the house with crafts and puzzles
writing reviews
picking poetry
performing
later
as long as i’m with my Kip
i’m happy
[though i’d be extra enthused
if next year we continued
our old tradition
of out-of-the-country travel
for the holiday times]
so long, 2022
[come see me bid farewell to the year with some poetry of my own via Zoom at 7pm Eastern:
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/new-years-eve-they-them-mayhem-tickets-419529813967 ]
audiences
are integral
to a performance
i wish it wasn’t so,
but it sure is.
so, if the audience’s energy
is lively,
is loving the show,
is literally having the time of their life–
the performer(s) will, too.
one hundred percent.
i usually tell new performers
(especially in circus)
to enjoy themselves on their apparatus–
the audience will respond to that enjoyment
and enjoy themselves,
and that energy from the audience
will encourage the performer,
who will send their energy back to the audience,
for a kind of reciprocal feedback loop
of joy.
but i often neglect
(on purpose)
the very real instances
of audiences being super low energy:
not responding to any energy from the performer(s);
or being weird:
responding in unexpected ways
that throws the performer’s energy off–
because you have to be a well-seasoned performer
to pick that kind of energy out
consciously
(but even novices will be able to tell
that something
is simply
‘off’)
show went fine
(maybe even great)
and now i get to stress about
a whole new performance
in a month
(why am i like this?)
puppies
playing
in the morning
the joy
it brings
me
gnaw on that rope!
chase that bouncy kong!
harass that hasslecat!
(the world is your dog park)
~~~
commotion:
the morning;
the coffee.
~~~
the promoting
of shows
always
stresses me
the buttz
out
(
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/aerial-arts-nyc-iaw-showcase-tickets-358998302587
if you want to zoom
in
)
the potential
to see
so many people
that i love
a visit
and to perform
(but i don’t want to get my hopes too far up
because anything could happen
between then
and now)
kipventures 