here we are
working[auditioning]actor
less time for
writing
more time for
figuring out
[im]perfectionism
perfection
February 9, 2025
i keep feeling
almost
ready to write
like i
almost
have a concept i’m happy with
or i have
almost
found the optimal writing situation/
location/
time of day/
mood/
lighting/
sound/
something/
etc.
but
if imperfection is what i’m looking for
in the product
then perhaps
i should look for that, too
in the process
January 22, 2025
i’d love to be a
“yes and”
find the funnest stream
go with the flow
and see whatever happens
happening
kind of person
but raising myself from the time i was
approximately 11
gave me some sort of
perfectionistic
type-a-personality
care and careful
self-preservation
overly cautious
kind of vibe constantly fighting against my
natural chaotic state
and hey
maybe it’s the opposite
maybe my natural state is more type-a
and the immediacy of seeing how
life is fleeting
gave me the drive to try to
induce chaos and joy in my life
but whichever way the truth lies
the sentiment still stands:
i have one part of me in chaos
and one part of me trying for strict alignment
and the two parts are forever fighting
inside my mind/my heart/my body/my soul
and rather than tempering each to a
reasonable level, they simply
stop
all action in either direction
and so i am neither cautious nor chaotic
i am simply
stuck.
September 15, 2024
really
poetry can be whatever we make of it
whatever we want it
to be
but
i’ve spent so much time
trying to get everything
“right”
in other aspects of art and life
how do i ever make anything
that is just only solely
mine?
April 16, 2023
why
do i only feel ‘good’ at something
when i’m in enough to know
the difference between
solid and not
and i’m early enough to not put undue pressure
on myself—-
but the minute i might add the label ‘professional’
i lose all self-perspective/
expect myself to be
miles better
than where i started
but i’m only me
i can only act where i’ve been
i can only write of what i know
and only let the words flow as they go
and i can’t force anything in emotional expression
so please
(i beg of myself)
let me be
and let me be me
and don’t expect perfection
because it isn’t a real thing
(and it never has been,
but that’s a lesson
for another
poem)
April 9, 2023
perfection
is an impossibility
but damn if i still don’t
expect it
from me.
February 22, 2023
[im]perfection
plagues my mind
i strive for it
though i know it’s
unattainable
i try to rewire
rewrite
the narrative
the choice
to choose imperfection
but the core of me whispers
‘what if you’re just not trying hard enough
and you
and only you
are the one person who could do it
perfectly
and you’re just proving how much of a failure you are
by choosing
not to
try’
and i am stuck
in this cycle
never-ending
that only ends in
failure
failure
failure
a failing
of
me
February 5, 2023
i know
i’m not,
but i feel like i’d call myself
a human disaster.
i was going to compare it
to my perfectionistic tendencies,
but i think they are tightly interwoven;
like
if i wasn’t a perfectionist
i wouldn’t be assessing myself
in the ‘disaster’ arena—
i’d just let me be me.
January 21, 2023
umm yes, hello
spooky times in late late nights
(not too late tonight
but later than i’d like)
cat scratches and line runnings
and poem pickings to be posted
and why not, there’s no such thing as perfection
just doing
just doing.
kipventures 