September 29, 2024

thought i’d write about yesterday
yesterday
at night, as a meditation
a mullination
on happenings and debriefings
and chill-times
but instead it was
two denny’s-es in one day
and conversations and wonderings
and connections and
i think that’s exactly what i needed
yesterday

July 27, 2023

maybe
seeing people!
(could be a couple weeks away,
could be months and months,
but at least it’s coming
soon-ish)

(and thank goodness
because i miss them all so much)

December 14, 2021

Kip asked me yesterday if i ever missed
Brooklyn

and i said i missed some things,
some people,

i miss Carlos and Jacob and the other babies who would
squeal
with fright/delight as they pet the giant teddy bear
that is Louka.

i miss the unofficial mayor of Flatbush (Joy),
and Mike
and about
half
the people in our building
(not that we dislike the other half,
we just never really met them).

i miss all the vegetarian food places;
El Barrio Burritos,
Zen Vegetarian Chinese food,
and the veggie option at Silver Rice,
and that food-truck that stood at the street-corner near the Q
waiting for me to try one of the falafels
(but i never did…)

i miss the woman selling wares and jewelry and incense from her van
every day
(though we still have plenty of Egyptian Musk to get us through)

and i do miss the vibrancy of
Prospect Park
right next door.

but

here

we have new neighbors to get to know,
new food places to explore
(though i am still in search of good plant-based options),
new parks to meander around,
a backyard,
a road Louka isn’t afraid to walk near,
and the best bagels we’ve had in New York
so…i’m pretty sure we’re winning.

(plus, our old home is simply a train ride
or two
away!)

July 6, 2021

everything
is flowing
outward
lately

externally expressing
but internally fluctuating
between
i need to get this out
and
no one should ever see this side of me
and yet still
nothing i do is ever good enough for me
(so how could it be good enough for others?)

the problem
with this problem
is i am not in others’ heads.
i can judge my own work based on my own standards,
but judging it based on others’ standards
is basically just guessing at their
likes
and dislikes
and backgrounds
and assessments
and training
and i can’t get an accurate read.
and as much as i’m afraid of other people
i do wish i could be in their heads
at least once
to see what they really think of me
(so my brain can stop obsessing)
(and [maybe] let it all go)