i don’t know if i was born
with the patience gene fully turned on
or not,
but it has developed into something
i value greatly
in myself

however
because i don’t think of it as
a core marker/
a makeup of hj/
something that’s been with me
since that first day,
i often approach it as a skill —
something that needs practice/
cultivation/
that i can’t just rely upon —
and it often surprises me
when others thank me for my patience
when i’ve been feeling
so
at the end of my rope

i wish i could conceive of a me
who was always always always
patient without strain