perhaps

in order to avoid the trappings
of first-time writings

[the “mary sue” the self-insertion
the romanticized tragedy
the not-flawed-enough protagonists
and too-flawed antagonists
and cursorily researched science
and all things i’d judge or freeze stagnant
when viewing in my own writing]

i simply need to go after them,
on purpose even,

and indulge.