i thought i was busy
before working
five jobs
[six if you split up
the two i’m doing for this show]
and while the theatre gig is taking up
so much more of my time
than all the others
combined
it is the place i feel
most at home
and like i kinda know
what i’m doing
and i’m trying to listen
when my own guts
and the universe
say something
the pull to listen to
my high-school-age sound-track
is so damn strong
helping to direct a play
set in 2003
in two boys’ high school careers
and high school emotions
and high school coming-outs
[comings-out?]
it reminds me so highly
of my own story in
2006
the first love
[though mine did not last]
[thank goodness]
the self-hatred and
fear of the world
as you find your own footing
in your own community
[though my church was not a christian one]
even as that shifts to a different community
perhaps a community
of two
“we’re keeping it alive”
“what?”
“each other”
is one of the truest moments
i’ve ever heard on the page
and i hope it still rings so true
to a public audience
on the stage
the day after a show
but so much happened
on top of it
a meeting
a surgery
an emergency allergy reaction
[not mine tho]
and i can hardly revel in the feeling of the show
[or
even berate myself for
not promoting it
more]
except for the moment
i stayed in the moment
afterwards
talking
with the lovely lovely people involved
i think they’re all so rad
and i’m so glad
i got to tell them so
fascinating
to be so devoted
to encouraging folks
to join the circus
because, for me, circus means
a place where our human bodies
are the art — they become the
strength and ability we never thought we’d have
the magic of human feats
and humanity
is how i see
the circus
but i know
that’s aerial circus
modern cirque, if you will
traditional circus
[though i do love the music and the costumes and the vibe]
has a horrible history
of exploiting animals
[and people, honestly]
in troubling conditions
[to say the least]
and the word “circus”
to an elephant
may be
complete
and utter
trauma
kipventures 