bury me in my most beloved outfit
of the day
but make sure i have something
extra
in case the next day
is a different gender
or vibe
[i wouldn’t want to be misgendered
in the afterlife
or by the tiny larvae
exploding through my skin
eating me from the inside]
i can’t wait to be
a few slivers of fabric
and mostly bones
and maybe someone will figure out how to tattoo on my ribcage
‘nonbinary’
so every archaeologist will know
to make no assumptions
from my skeleton’s makeup
just vibe with the tiniest microorganisms
that i brought with me
daily
and i’ll try to explain
to st. peter
or hades
or whomever i have to
what being ‘gender chaotic’ really means
and hopefully
after i’ve shuffled off this mortal coil
and no longer have to adhere to a physical form
i can be what i’ve always thought of myself
internally
nonbinary visibility
July 8, 2024
it’s funny how gender-affirming sparkly nail polish can be
for me
for my estimation of in-between genders/
outside of the binary/
erring towards chaos/
creative/
forgoing gender
for individual
whatever/
in that mode
sparkles
on my nails
feels so
right
June 18, 2022
contemplating
calling out
misgendering
of myself
of my fellow enbies
it can be easier
to correct
an obvious gendered flub–
a she for a he
and a he for a she–
the identity and clues and presentation
are often there;
it should be
obvious.
but with those of us
in-between/
outside-of/
on a whole other
gender-level
clothing/
body hair/
size/
shape/
color/
means little to nothing:
we are sans gender
(or all genders together)
and all we are asking
is that you see us as a person
first
before gender.
and it doesn’t matter how
queer-friendly
or queer
a person is…
i’ve seen binary trans folks
throw ‘she’s around
in place of ‘they’s
‘he’s
for ‘xe’s
and it hurts
like a knife
to the soul
and i know social conditioning
is a struggle to escape,
and i know language barriers
can make it impossibly hard,
but if, in a queer space,
as you set yourself up
as a queer teacher
and imply the safety
for all
but still buy into a binary
[even if it’s solely through language]
you are proving
yourself
wrong.
***the emotion of this poem
is over a year old,
the initial person who prompted
this poem
has done a great job
of reeling in their language
and looking at the person
first.
but i wanted to write
and re-write
for catharsis purposes,
and i wanted to post
not only for a call-in/call-out,
in case you are a person
who sees gender
first,
but also to say
that everyone makes mistakes
even queer folks in queer spaces
and it can always be forgiven,
but know that we always notice
even if we say nothing
we always
always
notice***
March 31, 2022
Trans Day of Visibility.
i try to be so visible…
but my visibility often seems to negate my living experiences
(any time i wear the trans colors
i’m read as
only femme)
(and while i feel
not
the gender i was assigned at birth,
my taste often finds itself
aligning
with what my assigned gender
is ‘supposed to’ like)
(but i’m not just gay
as in happy
[though often i have this
demeanor]
i’m also queer
as in fuck the system,
as in i will always stand up for those with less power,
as in my entire identity will always be a political statement
because much of it is often politicized without my consent,
and i know of others with intersecting identities
on top of the identity[ies] we share
who will never be out of the line of fire from politicians
trying to gain power
over others)
so i’ll stand up
tall
(as my barely over five-foot-frame will let me)
and proud
of my trans identity,
my non-binary identity,
my queer-in-all-the-ways identity,
and tell everyone who will listen
‘yes, thank you for listening
to me,
an actual trans person,
but please
also listen
to those who fall under the binary umbrella
underneath the larger trans umbrella,
especially trans women,
and listen to those who fall under other marginalized identities,
listen to Black trans folks,
listen to Indigenous trans folks [Indigenous two-spirit people],
listen to trans people of color
listen to those folks of color with darker skin,
listen to trans people with disabilities
listen to trans people who aren’t neurotypical
listen to trans people who aren’t from your country,
listen to trans people who don’t look anything like you,
listen to trans folks who make you feel uncomfortable with your privilege
listen to trans folks who fight the system that was built to tear them down.
and honestly,
if you listen to those folks first
(which i encourage you to do)
and you have a lot of introspection to do
and you don’t have the time
or energy
or capacity
to listen to my words
afterwards,
i’d much prefer that.
listen to trans folks with less privilege than myself
expand your knowledge
first.
(maybe we’ll see each other in the metaphorical
‘audience’
and wave ‘hi!’)
kipventures 