nonbinary

October 17, 2025

/ HJ / Leave a comment

damn
this performance just
snuck
right
up

i suppose it makes sense
what with
everything
else
going
on

but

i get to perform

i get to back-up dance

i get to watch my friends perform

and i get to co-host

[which is technically not an entirely new thing
for me, but the last time it happened was like
over ten years ago now, and i have almost no
memory of it, so it feels brand spanking new]

if you are near purchase, new york, why not stop on by
[tickets are free!]

https://www.ticketleap.events/tickets/queeryus/out-and-proud-a-ndod-celebration

September 8, 2025

/ HJ / Leave a comment

do other people’s bones
just kinda pop
and shift
into place
when their bodies move,
like they’re catching up
with the muscles and tendons and fat and signals
from the brain — the bones are lazing their days away
but are [eventually] taken along for the ride?

is that my whole issue? that literally none of my body parts move as one
unit?

i’m just body parts
and systems
and cells and bacteria and all the tiny things
all wrapped up into one trench-coat of an external “body”

[maybe that’s why they/them feels so good on me]

December 20, 2024

/ HJ / Leave a comment

bury me in my most beloved outfit
of the day
but make sure i have something
extra
in case the next day
is a different gender
or vibe
[i wouldn’t want to be misgendered
in the afterlife
or by the tiny larvae
exploding through my skin
eating me from the inside]
i can’t wait to be
a few slivers of fabric
and mostly bones
and maybe someone will figure out how to tattoo on my ribcage
‘nonbinary’
so every archaeologist will know
to make no assumptions
from my skeleton’s makeup
just vibe with the tiniest microorganisms
that i brought with me
daily
and i’ll try to explain
to st. peter
or hades
or whomever i have to
what being ‘gender chaotic’ really means
and hopefully
after i’ve shuffled off this mortal coil
and no longer have to adhere to a physical form
i can be what i’ve always thought of myself
internally

November 27, 2024

/ HJ / Leave a comment

birthday poems:

~~~

cotton candy coffee
for my birthday morning
and remembering the good things
that happened this year
[so next time i can only see
the terrible, i have something
to comfort me]

~~~

aging
in an age
where my own kin
are more likely to die
before this age
than i
simply because of the color of their skin
and their femininity called into question
and it aches in my whole
soul
to know
the hatred faced is meaningless
in the grand scheme of the universe
but the effects of suffering
very much
matter

in this day and age
where we have so much
what happened to humanity
that hoarding became more socially acceptable
than sharing
and giving

~~~

like a kid
on their birthday
here i am
on mine
trying
to follow the dopamine
and have a good time

but our puppy is sick
[though doing so much better!]
and there is so much pain and suffering
in the world
that’s about to get
a whole lot
worse

and i know if i
follow my own drive
and sense of self
i can do things
for me
while at the same time
following/providing
helping hands
for others

[all while battling the existential crisis
that is
turning 27 for a ninth time]

November 11, 2024

/ HJ / Leave a comment

‘are you planning on leaving the country?
if so, why?’
a friend asked that
anonymously
of all their trans compatriots,
and i answered based on
healthcare
and preparation,
but my real answer
is more to do with the intersection
of depression
and queerness, which is
‘yes, because how am i supposed to fight
for my own and others’ rights
if i, myself, want to die?’

July 8, 2024

/ HJ / Leave a comment

it’s funny how gender-affirming sparkly nail polish can be
for me
for my estimation of in-between genders/
outside of the binary/
erring towards chaos/
creative/
forgoing gender
for individual
whatever/
in that mode
sparkles
on my nails
feels so
right

February 29, 2024

/ HJ / Leave a comment

a first leap day
of this poetry project
and i’m still stuck in my head
in processing a dream i had
about churches on roller coaster tracks
and fast fast carousel spins of UU congregations
for the purpose of awareness
for the purpose of social change
for saying Nex Benedict’s name
and never again
never again
never again

January 12, 2023

/ HJ / Leave a comment

if i write
what i always needed
as a child
what might that be?

because i was pretty satisfied
when i was that age
of the grand adventures
and imaginative natures
of many of the stories
with heroes who looked
a lot like
me

but what i need now
is to have noticed i needed then
a mix between girl and boy/
that any harsh division
is unnecessary/
and that i don’t/didn’t need to carry
the weight of an entire gender
on my young shoulders.

should i write
a protagonist
who thinks that?

or would they simply come off
as
your early 2000’s Mary Sue
(and since when has that stopped
any aging white boy
from doing
pretty much
exactly that?)