New York

January 24, 2022

/ HJ / Leave a comment

we are now
well into
the third year
of living in new york city
and though i’m not where i thought i’d be,
the whole world isn’t where it thought it’d be
either.

the pandemic has really taken the onus
off my own head
for what i wanted to accomplish
when i got here,
and redirected my aims
not lower
just sideways-er,
from theatre/circus/maybe film
to voiceover/film/maybe circus
(and a little activism in there
because how could you not be
when looking at
this world)
and theatre…?
who knows what will happen
within this third year
(within these next few months/weeks/days)
but i do know that
governmental policies (or lack thereof) really left the public
out in the cold
at the very beginning
of this whole ordeal
and haven’t been able to rectify
that harm
(nor have i seen much in the way of trying)
and i shouldn’t have expected any better
but man
do i want
to trust
that people
will do the right things,
but power seems to corrupt
even the
best of us…

but
i was talking about
living in new york city
and my life here
(or lack thereof)
and all i have to say is,
though i don’t think i ever really got
the ‘true’
living in nyc experience,
i still suspect
i couldn’t live
anywhere
else.

January 2, 2022

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what is it about
early early morning in New York
that i love so much?

is it the quiet?

i wouldn’t be happy
elsewhere
where it’s
quieter,

but there is something about
expecting the cacophony
and getting the simplicity
the silence of the grandiose,
the liminal space
between the raucousness of nightlife
and the blaring consciousness of daytime

i am always one for the unexpected
i live to break rules
and realities

and that,
i think,
is why i love early early morning
in the city
that says it never sleeps
(but i’ve seen the empty streets.)

December 14, 2021

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Kip asked me yesterday if i ever missed
Brooklyn

and i said i missed some things,
some people,

i miss Carlos and Jacob and the other babies who would
squeal
with fright/delight as they pet the giant teddy bear
that is Louka.

i miss the unofficial mayor of Flatbush (Joy),
and Mike
and about
half
the people in our building
(not that we dislike the other half,
we just never really met them).

i miss all the vegetarian food places;
El Barrio Burritos,
Zen Vegetarian Chinese food,
and the veggie option at Silver Rice,
and that food-truck that stood at the street-corner near the Q
waiting for me to try one of the falafels
(but i never did…)

i miss the woman selling wares and jewelry and incense from her van
every day
(though we still have plenty of Egyptian Musk to get us through)

and i do miss the vibrancy of
Prospect Park
right next door.

but

here

we have new neighbors to get to know,
new food places to explore
(though i am still in search of good plant-based options),
new parks to meander around,
a backyard,
a road Louka isn’t afraid to walk near,
and the best bagels we’ve had in New York
so…i’m pretty sure we’re winning.

(plus, our old home is simply a train ride
or two
away!)

November 21, 2021

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i always forget
before leaving on any sort of
vacation
just how much i will
miss
new york city.

~~~

what to do
what to say
what to write
what, today?

~~~

is sleeping
in one’s
childhood bed
truly as relaxing
as it seems?

(i’ll check in after another day or so
to inform of my personal findings)

September 28, 2021

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the very same day
i became a homeowner
in New York City
i portrayed the epitome
of a stereotypical New Yorker
(pizza in hand, honking my car’s horn unnecessarily,
driving in that way that only New Yorkers drive)
(although, if i were a real real New Yorker
i feel like i’d have
neither house
nor car,
so there is that…)

September 17, 2021

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road rage
comes from
feeling safe
and secure
and invincible
in your little metal box
but actually
you never know
who you’re honking at
so maybe
just maybe
just
chill.

(of course, in New York City, all bets are off,
because everyone honks at everyone
and no one really takes it as rage any more
it’s more just part of the general soundscape
of the city.
so…
)

August 21, 2021

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the calm before the storm
creates excitement for said storm.
it’s the weightless moment in circus beats,
that moment that gives you a peek into the idea
that time is a mortal construction:
that second that lasts a lifetime,
you can tell what comes next
and plan your attack,

and set up a nest inside which to watch the storm
roll by.

~

i wrote this
on June 12
originally,
and i don’t necessarily remember
that particular storm
but i remember storms as i love them:
nature’s fireworks,
conversing with the thunder,
dancing in my hometown rain
before i’d fly halfway across the world…

but this storm…
the calm
before
brings apprehension,
we’ve seen one hurricane/tropical storm
flood our [hopefully](soon-to-be) borough,
we’ve seen the devastation
global climate change
can wreak

and we hope folks stay safe
and we hope not too much damage is done
and we hope to have a nice meeting with this
Henri
but we hope to not keep him in our hearts and homes for long…

July 15, 2021

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i’ve started thinking
in poetry.

(even when i wrote in prose
every single morning,
i still only rarely would ponder in words;
usually as a way to plan out
how to describe a certain feeling,
or express a certain something
out loud
to another human being.)

but i’ve started having
words,
phrases,
in poetical form
pop into my head
riding the Q train,
pounding the streets of manhattan,
seeing the sun set
over Prospect Park

and i don’t know how i feel about this…
i, who have always felt some sort of
vindicated otherness
from not thinking in words
(as, i suspect, a slim majority of people do)

but it does bring me joy,
feeling more connected
to this art form.