New York City

July 24, 2022

/ HJ / Leave a comment

i didn’t think i would,
but i
felt *something*
while observing
curtain call
at that broadway theater
yesterday afternoon.

a little something
was the show itself—
pushing boundaries,
addressing hard topics,
calling in and calling out.

but another something
was simply seeing
human beings
on a stage
in front of hundreds/thousands—

a crowd
here to see
all Black faces and voices

and it being my
(technically accidental)
return
to seeing
live theatre…
auspicious?
inspiring?
fortuitous?
serendipity…

perhaps broadway is changing for the better?

—but—

while those feelings are definitely in there,
i think there was something else,
something additional…
a giant sense of
‘i didn’t let myself miss this
until right now’

i’ve missed the theater itself
physically
psychologically,
conceptually,
and i’ve missed performing on stage,
of course,
that’s in my blood—

but something in me missed
the actual
going to see
a good show

i didn’t know that about myself
until just now

and i’ll keep it
close
to my heart

July 20, 2022

/ HJ / Leave a comment

the temperature
is supposed to get
all the way up to
97 degrees

i’ll be spending some time
in manhattan
so it’ll probably feel like
107 at least.

and in the subway system,
underground,
waiting for the train,
oof, maybe 137

but once i’m on the train,
the a/c blasting
will make me shiver
like it’s the middle of winter

(unless, of course, the air conditioning is broken
in whichever particular train car
i happen to enter)

(and i have to decide
on clothing
to fit all those
scenarios…)

(summer in the city is no joke)

July 11, 2022

/ HJ / Leave a comment

riding that high
back to stage
i can sing
i can engage an audience
i can act through a song
i can do riffs and runs (?maybe?)
i can do all the things
i am talented
i am hardworking
i can do it
i can do it
i can do it

i am good enough

i am enough

let this be a reminder
to my future self
who does’t believe
in me

June 19, 2022

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Juneteenth
a word i had never heard
until the summer before my
senior year in high school
when i started hanging around
Oberlin, Ohio

Juneteenth
a day i didn’t know the history of
until i had the information coming at me
from multiple sources
(my own research/
podcasts about history/
friends who loved educating)
well into my second attempt at college

Juneteenth
a celebration i don’t think i fully understood
until living in New York
through the surge of Black Lives Matter
marches
/
protests
in 2020

Juneteenth
this year
we’re hosting a small gathering of friends
and we are excited to be the ones
doing the work
hosting
cooking
serving
celebrating
because if the United States isn’t going to put on its
Big-Government-Pants
and hand out reparations owed,
we might as well start
one family at a time.

March 20, 2022

/ HJ / Leave a comment

New York City
is giving us
a true
spring!

(for the first time
in years)

yes, we were here in
Brooklyn
for two springs in a row,
but you’ve got to admit
the spring of
2020
was a little more surrealistic
than springtime
in terms of
~everything~
and please, Brooklyn, forgive us
for only observing
your brick walls
consistently
and so rarely entering
the park five minutes away

and before that,
Wisconsin,
with its approximate
two days of spring
(slightly more if you count
‘muddy’
as the season)
and half the time
snow would hit
full force
months after
we thought
spring was finally upon us
(and the next day
the blistering heat
of a midwest summer)

but here
in our own yard
we’ve seen the green
pop up from the ground
and even the days were a little snow
sprinkled the earth
the buds didn’t give up
they kept up
popped out
now, not just green,
we have purple, yellow, white,
black bumble bees buzzing
(a veritable enby flag of a backyard)

and we’ve eaten breakfasts,
had coffee,
made calls,
read,
worked,
watched,
on a deck that overlooks it all

and we breathe it in
slowing down
soaking it up
like the sun

A Bronx Spring.

March 19, 2022

/ HJ / Leave a comment

writing about bagels
and reading about bagels,
reading about reviewing bagels
and writing about bagels once more

all thew while making/eating/pondering
bagels

it’s been a very bagel-y couple of days

[but when is it not
in New York City?]

February 23, 2022

/ HJ / Leave a comment

am i
((will i ever))
getting used to new york?
my new york?
the new york of constant facemasks,
and slightly less people around times square
(not that i’d ever want to go there),
and no real outings
yet;
but still the persistence,
the perseverance,
the resistance to unkind niceness
and unfounded stupidity
(not saying that isn’t around
it’s just,
as a whole,
here we are.)

and the problem with getting used to
a new york
mid-pandemic
is that, as disgusting as this city is,
i really don’t feel comfortable
or safe
anywhere else.

January 24, 2022

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we are now
well into
the third year
of living in new york city
and though i’m not where i thought i’d be,
the whole world isn’t where it thought it’d be
either.

the pandemic has really taken the onus
off my own head
for what i wanted to accomplish
when i got here,
and redirected my aims
not lower
just sideways-er,
from theatre/circus/maybe film
to voiceover/film/maybe circus
(and a little activism in there
because how could you not be
when looking at
this world)
and theatre…?
who knows what will happen
within this third year
(within these next few months/weeks/days)
but i do know that
governmental policies (or lack thereof) really left the public
out in the cold
at the very beginning
of this whole ordeal
and haven’t been able to rectify
that harm
(nor have i seen much in the way of trying)
and i shouldn’t have expected any better
but man
do i want
to trust
that people
will do the right things,
but power seems to corrupt
even the
best of us…

but
i was talking about
living in new york city
and my life here
(or lack thereof)
and all i have to say is,
though i don’t think i ever really got
the ‘true’
living in nyc experience,
i still suspect
i couldn’t live
anywhere
else.

January 2, 2022

/ HJ / Leave a comment

what is it about
early early morning in New York
that i love so much?

is it the quiet?

i wouldn’t be happy
elsewhere
where it’s
quieter,

but there is something about
expecting the cacophony
and getting the simplicity
the silence of the grandiose,
the liminal space
between the raucousness of nightlife
and the blaring consciousness of daytime

i am always one for the unexpected
i live to break rules
and realities

and that,
i think,
is why i love early early morning
in the city
that says it never sleeps
(but i’ve seen the empty streets.)

December 14, 2021

/ HJ / Leave a comment

Kip asked me yesterday if i ever missed
Brooklyn

and i said i missed some things,
some people,

i miss Carlos and Jacob and the other babies who would
squeal
with fright/delight as they pet the giant teddy bear
that is Louka.

i miss the unofficial mayor of Flatbush (Joy),
and Mike
and about
half
the people in our building
(not that we dislike the other half,
we just never really met them).

i miss all the vegetarian food places;
El Barrio Burritos,
Zen Vegetarian Chinese food,
and the veggie option at Silver Rice,
and that food-truck that stood at the street-corner near the Q
waiting for me to try one of the falafels
(but i never did…)

i miss the woman selling wares and jewelry and incense from her van
every day
(though we still have plenty of Egyptian Musk to get us through)

and i do miss the vibrancy of
Prospect Park
right next door.

but

here

we have new neighbors to get to know,
new food places to explore
(though i am still in search of good plant-based options),
new parks to meander around,
a backyard,
a road Louka isn’t afraid to walk near,
and the best bagels we’ve had in New York
so…i’m pretty sure we’re winning.

(plus, our old home is simply a train ride
or two
away!)