i never, ever thought i would identify
so strongly with a place
but my heart
leaps
at being called “a New Yorker”
and i can’t help but write
countless poems about
the place
and the people
and the identity
and my heart beats harder
and my anxiety lulls softer
when anywhere that reminds me
of my chosen home
[would i still feel like a New Yorker
if we fled to Paris
for safety?]
while we didn’t fall in love with Lisbon
like we thought we might
we definitely fell in love with Europe
and the fact that people here
seem to be a little bit more functional/
the democracies around here
definitely are more functional
than the shitshow we left
and are now approaching back
and Paris
the surprise contender
from least likely
to most
in our future endeavors
[is it just that we fall in love with
anything
that reminds us of New York?]
[is that the moral of this whole experience?]
i still can’t get over
how much this city,
though so different
from my concrete jungle,
can remind me so much
of home
from the pigeons
and mourning doves
and stray cats
everywhere
to the instances of
so many different
languages being spoken
and written down
to its walkability
and metro system,
even the tourist traps
are cute reminders
of my home’s downtown
[feeling at home
even in a foreign city —
the story of new yorkers abroad]
getting choked up
at rallies where we all chant
“we are New Yorkers”
to signify we won’t be beaten down
or give in
to fascism
literally tearing up
while reading the world’s responses
to our mayoral primary
“that’s my mayor”
in Cleveland
in Virginia
in New Zealand
in Europe
those damn tote bags were right —
don’t you dare call me an american
i’ve never had any
pride in my country
but don’t you dare forget
that i’m a New Yorker
and my chosen city
stands up for all our
beliefs
and when we get together on something
don’t you dare forget
what we can all accomplish
as New Yorkers
together
for a second
for a moment
for the briefest of instances
the highest tones were all i could hear
from the jackhammer working
a few blocks away
and i thought
for that tiny amount of time
that someone was continuing the holiday spirit
into boxing day
and jangling jingle bells
as hard as they could
[new york sounds are a symphony]
spotted lantern flies
cursed our existence
outside
one year ago
this year there are still some
but they seem few
and far-between
and i’m hoping that means
that we as new yorkers
got together and destroyed
[/are still destroying]
an invasive species
that hurts our ecosystem.
as many faults as i can find with nyc
from living here for five years
that is one thing i gotta hand us —
when we have a task
to better our neighborhoods
that we can all get behind — we do it
and we do it
good.
making new
traditions
making old traditions
happier
making things work
in this snow-less escape
that is our regular every day life
in new york city
~~~
down the coffee
slip off to the holiday market
grab cider/
wine/
juice/
anything
to make a mulled wine
happen
and also some stickers
and also some goofy goofs
and also
some
potential
presents
for a new
present moment
~~~
silly,
i
already
know
why do i yearn
for the hot hot hot climate
yet once it’s here
in my own back/front/side yard
i’m exhausted
can’t sleep
can’t wake up
walking feels like swimming
and breathing feels like dying
but i know
once it gets colder
my body rejects the climate
in other ways
(as does my brain)
so i suppose i’ll just
be a sleepy ball of sweat
for the next however many months
and enjoy not being a depressed icicle with nerve-pain
for what seems like
every
single
day
till the end of time
the temperature
is supposed to get
all the way up to
97 degrees
i’ll be spending some time
in manhattan
so it’ll probably feel like
107 at least.
and in the subway system,
underground,
waiting for the train,
oof, maybe 137
but once i’m on the train,
the a/c blasting
will make me shiver
like it’s the middle of winter
(unless, of course, the air conditioning is broken
in whichever particular train car
i happen to enter)
(and i have to decide
on clothing
to fit all those
scenarios…)
(summer in the city is no joke)
am i
((will i ever))
getting used to new york?
my new york?
the new york of constant facemasks,
and slightly less people around times square
(not that i’d ever want to go there),
and no real outings
yet;
but still the persistence,
the perseverance,
the resistance to unkind niceness
and unfounded stupidity
(not saying that isn’t around
it’s just,
as a whole,
here we are.)
and the problem with getting used to
a new york
mid-pandemic
is that, as disgusting as this city is,
i really don’t feel comfortable
or safe
anywhere else.
kipventures 