an impulse to search zillow
for houses in
la
an impulse to change my whole wardrobe
and start the whole journey
today
an impulse to create a new craft
try a new recipe
just do something that is
100% new to me
but i know
me
and i know
the event
more likely —
a start
with no middle
and definitely no finishing up
the curse and constant battle
of the adhd brain
on life
a monday
a day
to start in on things
and maybe make
some changes
[it’s march
but i want to start
my new year’s resolutions
now]
a day to organize
and stay at home
and run errands
and not spend hours and hours
scrolling
on a phone
or playing a video game
for the eight hundredth time
a day instead
to vibe
and try
new things
and get things
done
and maybe
even
create
something
completely
new
completely
unheard of
the first
of any month
scares the crap out of me
i’m so much more able to ignore
the steady, streaming, passage of time
if the dates just keep flowing.
but the reset,
the sudden jump back to single digits,
the shock to my system as i readjust…
write new dates,
set new goals,
pay new bills,
(does it never end?)
~~~
you’d think
for someone who has new years in their top favorite holidays
new beginnings wouldn’t hurt so damn badly
~~~
poetry about something real
(kind of like prose)
flows out of me smoothly,
effortlessly,
the words coming even without me pondering them
the appearance on the document
pristine
and as i go
i think more and more
and harder and harder
and second guess
and try to have a nice ending
(are poems made for tidy endings?)
and i fizzle,
or overanalyze,
and what started as a journey
ends in near virtual reality
can my poems ever truly reflect
what’s happening
in my brain?
kipventures 