i’m so curious
if it’s a universal experience
to have a tiny internal voice
constantly telling you all the things
you’ve done wrong
or just are
that are wrong
day in and day out
and as one grows, it doesn’t go away
it simply is able to be drowned out a bit more
and a bit more
with the experiences and knowledge and
voices of loved ones
or if that’s only a universal experience
of those of us with depression and/or anxiety
thoughts?
i still have a tendency to downplay things i’m excited about
to not get fully
actually
excited about them
because what if something happens
and i’m no longer able to do the thing
i was so damn
excited about?
the roller coaster of emotions
from so stoked
to so damn devastated
is one i’ve experienced
more times than i’d care to have experienced
it is an emotional roller coaster
that i do not
want to ride
ever again
but
isn’t part of living
experiencing emotions?
the good and bad and devastating
the excitement and disappointment
and even boredom
are all part of the human experience
and isn’t that all i’ve ever longed for:
an experience and an understanding
of being
human?
do other people’s bones
just kinda pop
and shift
into place
when their bodies move,
like they’re catching up
with the muscles and tendons and fat and signals
from the brain — the bones are lazing their days away
but are [eventually] taken along for the ride?
is that my whole issue? that literally none of my body parts move as one
unit?
i’m just body parts
and systems
and cells and bacteria and all the tiny things
all wrapped up into one trench-coat of an external “body”
[maybe that’s why they/them feels so good on me]
kipventures 