January 30, 2023

when i write
i write at a table
but i don’t use the table
(except to hold my morning coffee)
i slide down in my chair
and lift my legs to the other across
and lay my laptop across my lap
cross one foot over the other
and write until my legs or butt falls asleep
or until my terrible posture hurts my back
or until my arms start to get sore
from low-key holding my laptop on my criss-crossed lap
and somehow this works for me
though i can’t help but imagine
a me
where i sit properly
feet fully reaching the floor
posture great
writing without pain sneaking its way in
and wonder if
i’d write
better
longer
if i sat like
a regular person

~~~

the cat gallops upstairs
chasing invisible ghosts
and singing the song of her kin
and at least she can amuse herself like this
for hours on end
while we break our evening’s fast with coffee and poetry and song
the cat’s harmony never quite fitting with whatever we play
but that’s why we love it (and her) so

~~~

i would like to write a letter to my grandmama some time today
because she constantly writes me lovely greetings
‘how are you’s’ and ‘here’s been my day’
and i love them so much.
and i’ve told her,
but i know the reciprocal is just as loved as the appreciation
and she literally said she wonders how we’re doing
so i suppose that’s what is on my agenda
(other than circus)
today

January 24, 2023

take your moment
meditate
relax
it’s just a morning
like any other morning
no extra stress comparatively
i don’t know why your heart is beating like that
so loud
so loud
but it is what it is
and it is just a morning
so meditate
write
and be here when you’re ready

January 19, 2023

my mind fills with stories
my eyes close and see words
language was always about translation
from thoughts to forms others understood

but here in this moment
when opportunity meets momentum
only morning pages
will ever
get done

~~~

but is that
so bad
a thing?

~~~

i know i could write prose in poetry
i know i could tell a story esoterically
but my words still only seem fit
to express the feelings
in my own life

how could i tell another’s?

January 10, 2023

capitalism
ruining even the most productive
of mornings

~~~

frustrated
distracted
hungry
but not yet ready

what a morning

~~~

banal tasks
take
less mental energy
but
when a sudden need
for that focus arrives
it’s quite jarring

December 27, 2022

i know the morning
is here for me
to delve into my
psychology
and think through things
as they may or may not be

but right now it feels
more like a chore
more like a bore
score none and no more
the act of writing
of poetizing
less than appetizing
and i can’t help but feel
like a
fraud

~~~

one more poem
one more verse
simply to make me feel
like i didn’t just waste
an entire block of my morn
writing stupid rhyming poetry
for nothing
for naught
for no one but me

(that’s the only person
actually
for whom this
poetry)

~~~

and writing
as me
as my own self
is so odd
because i’ve spent so much of my life
not knowing
(or straight up hiding)
who i truly was
that i’m uncertain
i’d even know
for sure
now

November 12, 2022

the not so great part
of having a solid plan
of combining your Morning Experimentations
into
a National Novel Writing Month Experiment
is that
once you combine the collective trauma
of living through a global pandemic
(and the subsequent failures of government and humanity)
with the fact that you wrote every morning
your pain and hopes and losses thereof
and with
the emotional toll of writing poetry
which you do
every morning now
is that
now
you don’t necessarily want to write
your Morning
Poetry
(because you have just
catharted
all over the computer screen
about a situation
we are still
very much
in)

October 28, 2022

a break
a gap
for multiple days
but
i’m not worried
in the way
i have been
because i know
i’m here
and i have things to say
no matter
what

~~~

re-writing history
is the way i deal with
days i couldn’t deal with
the morning pages
or mid-afternoon meditation
or evening ponderings…

simply take the time machine
of your blogging schedule
and post
in the past

(it’s surprisingly
easy)

~~~

(any more to say?)
[anything else to think?]
{or is writing
still coming back
into focus
after a few
days?}

October 17, 2022

not feeling
anything
(writing
listing
poetry-ing)

was i this
lost
this time
last
year?

~~~

trying
to writing
with songs with words

we’ll see how this goes

~~~

was music all i needed
for me to feel like
this is a real morning???

September 29, 2022

i
don’t
wanna
do it

i don’t
want
to morning pages

i don’t
want to write
this morning

i don’t
want to be forced
or force myself to be
creative
fake inspiring
inspired
by the cold outside
(or inside for that matter)
by my sleepy eyes
or exhausted brain
or heart that has yet to gain
any sort of strength
(they say the heart is a muscle
but how do you exercise it
to be more open
more loving
more child-like
more you?)

i
don’t
wanna do
anything

so instead
i’m writing
about the feeling
and hoping
you’ll understand
too