i’m not getting out what i want to get out
this morning
[but the problem with having
a writing practice
of trying to get things out
in the morning
is that sometimes
you’re only half awake
and half aware
of the things that actually need to be stated/written/gotten
out
so sometimes you just have to write
about the fact that the writing
just isn’t doing it this morning
and hope that makes something come out]
i think
one more poem
i think
one more stream
of the consciousness
of the mind wandering
of the fingers tappity typing
all the way across the screen
one more poem
of waking myself up
the addition
of composition
to my coffee
and hydration
the combination
is what helps me
feel
slightly
more awake
slightly
more alive
slightly more ready
to make this day
one
that i can at least survive
[someday
i may just
thrive]
but today, i just have to aim
for one more poem
at
a
time
still haven’t done much
morning poetry writing
this morning
[none at all
yesterday
morning]
but that’s ok
that’s ok
it’s just a personal goal
and the point is to write
and eventually catch up
i can easily do that after therapy
or in the evening
if i so choose
[or even tomorrow]
it’s just me
it’s just for me
it’s all ok
it’s all ok
i’ve always used poetry
to warm up for writing prose
but last night i wrote prose,
and this morning feel invigorated
to write poetry once more
and perhaps it is not the type of words i type
but instead simply the act of writing itself
which warms and invigorates and excites me
for future writings
[perhaps
perhaps
perhaps
i can call myself
a writer]
will i,
once i get back,
be back into
some semblance
of a morning
habit
with these words?
that would be nice
that would be nice
can i
can i
write a little bit
before we
run
run
run
wedding
prep
being married
celebration
so exciting
so nervous
so much to do
and i don’t know how to help
so hopefully i can just
be
there
and help like
that
i don’t know what to write
[i don’t know how to write]
my brain has been sucked dry
and all that’s left is
stardew
valley
this vibe
of music
of cello and piano and drum
of experimenting with the strings
and riffing on the keys
and the steady, floating and capturing beat underneath
is exactly the vibe i need
for this morning
[let’s hear it for modern jazz]
my morning poetry feels both so unimportant
and even more important
for these four weeks
unimportant
in the grand scheme of things
but important
to keep my word
to myself
and continue this challenge
amongst so many other challenges
because i am nothing if not
a stubborn little goose
turn off the brain
turn on the writing
turn on the morning
the focus and the words
that mean nothing
that mean everything
if i don’t think too hard
if i don’t think hard enough
if i simply stop thinking
maybe these poems
may make sense
eventually]
kipventures 