if i sit perched
like a little bird
will the words stream out faster
and faster
like getting ready for takeoff
flying
soaring
through ideas and concepts and
landing with the right words
every
time?
metaphor
August 5, 2024
i’d love to get lost in a poem
[again?]
jumping off the ledge
of a blank sheet
of digital paper
just to be carried along
for the ride
on a subject matter
or an issue at hand
or even a feeling
flowing freely
from word to word
metaphor to simile
alliteration to experimentation
with each line getting longer and longer
or shorter and
shorter
or displaying all my creativity out in such a way
even i have to say
“hey, this one’s worth reading/
worth saying/
worth sharing”
but recently
i’ve only had the desire,
not the subject,
not the flow
to go
and get completely
lost
in a poem
April 30, 2024
the drive to write is strong —
but what to write about
never seems to come along —
like i’m sitting at a type-writer
or a pen and paper notebook
and i am hovering above what
could very well be brilliant
imagery/alliteration/metaphor
and simile and allegory all
stuck together, but instead my
pen/finger tip just shudders,
the ache of keeping it up
too long as i wait, the heaviness
of the potential i feel in my
body mind and soul too much
too much for one little
writing utensil/blank screen
to hold, so instead i write
about nothing, i write about
wanting to write, i write over
and over again meta poems that
never seem to come to any sort
of fruition or resolution or
conclusion, and i continue
to write and write and write
and here i am again…
January 19, 2024
collect your thoughts
then spit them out
on a laptop
look at the dregs and see what it says
about you
about your past/present/future
read the spittle like tea leaves
and leave it alone for another day or two
to read them again
with a new eye
a new vibe
a new perception that perspective gives us
[i just want to know what my own brain
is thinking]
September 14, 2023
i can’t see where i’m going
the path ahead of me
is dark
and i brought no flashlight
but i gotta keep walking
i gotta keep walking
April 23, 2023
usually
i use morning page time
to write what’s bouncing around in my mind
and smooth out the edges
of the frantic thoughts and premises
and write for an audience
once i’m done
parsing
ponderings
but this morning
i’m just continually
digging through
my mind’s soil
and seeing what might grow
and i don’t know
if any of my work is readable
much less digestible
but better to let indigestion take hold
than not have anything to show
from such a
productive
pensive
morning
right?
April 6, 2023
i can remember
being seven-years-old
and having such a hard time
swallowing one big multi-vitamin
while on our trip to florida
(so i wouldn’t get stick or anemic or something of the sort)
i have a visceral memory
of knowing it was good for me
but having the pill get caught in my throat
and no amount of water could ease the discomfort
that continued on down my chest
for nearly an hour afterwards
i probably cried
(i did a lot at that time)
and every day that pill seemed bigger
and the water less helpful
and i struggled and struggled and struggled.
today, i can easily take
one multivitamin,
five spiro pills,
a zyrtec,
a wellbutrin,
and a couple of other things, if needed
in one swallow and gulp of water
and nearly every time it easily goes down
i ponder what was wrong with me
at age seven
to not be able to take
one simple
pill
alone.
but this story seems to be lacking
an awareness of where i was at the time
both physically
and practice-wise:
not only was i starting from zero experience
of how to swallow anything whole,
i also had the average-sized throat
of an average-sized seven-year-old,
and i cannot go on
judging my yesteryear self
based on today’s standards…
but i know that’s what i’m doing
when i judge my past self
for putting on these coping mechanisms
that have grown with me as i’ve aged
and, more often than not, gotten in my way
but i was working with very little knowledge,
less stable hormonal levels,
and no real parental [or societal] guidance
and i also know
that i shouldn’t judge my today self
for where i may be in future healing—-
i still have to dig through the muck
and learn and grow
in order to get where i think i’ll go
so i guess what i’m saying
(to my own self and to you
if you need to hear this today, too)
is that ‘be kind to yourself’ is not just some
lily-livered
social justice
pansy-assed
liberal
sweet talk
in order to have more compassion
for yourself as part of the human race,
it is also
simple
factual
that you cannot judge yourself
based
on what you don’t yet know
or
how you haven’t yet grown
and i hope that helps
both of us.
March 26, 2023
poetry
[for me]
is simply raining down
haphazard hail
at whatever can capture my words
and showing off this bouquet
of symbols making meaning of emotional existence
and asking if anyone at all enjoys
the fragrance
[and/or the mixed metaphors]
January 17, 2023
if we are to attack with metaphor
with analogy
with any sort of literary
device at our side
what would my depression be?
a shadow?
sounds too cliché
too perfect
but hear me out:
it’s always there
just sometimes i can’t see it
from my particular angle
and different environments
make it a different type
of shadow:
large and looming/
grounded and serene and looking just like me/
a tiny pool of darkness at my feet/
or not at all there
(but change one light
one type
of something
anything
in the room/place
and there it is again
and the question of
‘did it really leave
or was it just laying
in wait?’
and i’m unsure if we’re speaking
within the explanation or reality
within the metaphor or truly
just talking about my relationship
with my ever-constant frenemy
depression)
so if that darkness
is a shadow
what is my constant worry
of anxiety
what new analogy
could i find
for thee?
August 16, 2022
i should have known
that the answer wasn’t
‘both’
when asked if i liked to work more with
details
or
big picture
things,
simply based on my reaction to being presented with
either.
when asked to look at minute details
i feel like i’m being laid into a giant warm bed
that fits me perfectly
that itself cuddles back.
and when being presented with
the big picture
i’m overwhelmed to the point of
panic attack
~~~
this
computer
is on its last legs
(or its last keys)
the multiplying of vowels
has at least tripled
(except for the rare occasion
when a letter simply
doesn’t)
but now the delete button
and space bar
are on the fritz
and a few consonants
are also acting awry
and i
think should just bite the bullet
and let Kip transfer my things
over to the new [to me] laptop
but this machine is where i wrote a novel,
and this is where my Morning Poems started,
and i took all my zoom classes
here,
and it feels like
an end to an era
when it’s simply
upgrading to the next model
and i
need to stop worrying
about losing all my things–
Kip knows how to transfer
and i’ve saved in at least two different places
and i should trust technology
some day
(maybe today?)
~~~
my body
and brain
just want to go back to
adjusting every little date
on my transfer
from goodreads to storygraph
because tiny details
and mindless tasks
feed my soul
like pudding;
filling it with empty calories
that i know should go
after a full meal
(of poetry-writing, perhaps?)
but i secretly just want
to eat sweets
and do teensy tasks
whenever i feel
any kind of
hunger
kipventures 